tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-128682702024-03-07T16:43:55.552+00:00A Very Friday BlogHere in Veryfridayland it's Friday every day of the week, and what more excuse do you need to procrastinate on the internet? And it's made easy for you - all that arduous surfing has already been done by an experienced operative with appropriate lumbar and carpal tunnel support arrangements. Dig in!Slightly Intrepidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03863685188013458226noreply@blogger.comBlogger1228125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12868270.post-5089136792120074762012-07-29T03:35:00.001+01:002012-07-29T03:35:09.269+01:00A well-earned hiatusGoodness me, it's been ages since I've posted anything to the VFB. Attention has been elsewhere - at <a href="http://slightlyintrepid.blogspot.com/">Slightly Intrepid</a>, my main blogging focus, to be precise. With regret, I should probably mark the retirement of the site as a going concern. Generally, when I come across the sort of material that would have once been earmarked for this site, it now goes onto the aforementioned SI blog or just onto Facebook where relatively like-minded souls might enjoy it. <br /><br />The Very Friday Blog started in late 2000 or early 2001 as an email circular, heavily indebted to <a href="http://www.deeknow.com/">Deeknow</a>, who included me on his own mailing list. I copied the idea and set about spreading timewasting internet ephemera in time for Friday morning-tea, mainly to divert my then work colleagues. I still have a batch of those old Word version Very Friday Emails (VFEs), and they progressively increased in size as I secured more source material. VFE4 in February 2001, the earliest one I still have, was a modest five pages, while VFE108 from April 2005 (the last Word version I have) weighed in at a hefty 22 pages. <br /><br />I tested the waters of online publishing early on, with an abortive attempt to use the now-defunct Homestead hosting site in 2002. Surprisingly, that <a href="http://veryfriday.homestead.com/">Very Friday site</a> is still up - from memory I got locked out of editing it somehow, and in any case the Homestead interface was annoying to work with. Much later I settled on the now-prominent Blogger network, and in May 2005 I made my first post to this blog - a typically brief joke about <a href="http://veryfriday.blogspot.co.nz/2005_05_01_archive.html">no-smoking areas in French restaurants</a>. Following in its wake were 1226 other posts, with the most popular tag being the general all-purpose 'nifty' appellation (344 posts) followed by 'NZ' (152 posts), which generally consisted of peculiar stories from New Zealand's regional newspapers, which may never have graced the blogosphere, I like to think. <br /><br />Certain sources became the mainstay of the VFE back-catalogue. The Onion, naturally, but also Private Eye, Popbitch, Buzz.se and Lileks were amongst the roster. Plus the aforementioned trawls through the more obscure portions of the Stuff.co.nz stable - the Timaru Herald and the Southland Times often providing sterling service in this regard. And in examining the blog traffic stats, certain posts regularly rose to the top of the ratings. Here's the top 5 Very Friday Blog posts by views in the past four years, according to Blogger:<br />
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<li><a href="http://veryfriday.blogspot.co.nz/2006/07/lets-all-go-get-positively-alabandical.html" style="background-color: white;">Let's all go get positively alabandical</a><span style="background-color: white;"> (2006, 975 views)</span></li>
<li><a href="http://veryfriday.blogspot.co.nz/2009/12/hens-in-skirting-board.html" style="background-color: white;">Hens in the skirting board</a><span style="background-color: white;"> (2009, 550 views)</span></li>
<li><a href="http://veryfriday.blogspot.co.nz/2006/07/illiterate-spirit-frustrates-ouija.html" style="background-color: white;">Illiterate spirit frustrates Ouija-Board players</a><span style="background-color: white;"> (</span><span style="background-color: white;">2006, 431 views)</span></li>
<li><a href="http://veryfriday.blogspot.co.nz/2005/11/penguin-bat-game.html" style="background-color: white;">Penguin bat game</a><span style="background-color: white;"> (2005, 399 views)</span></li>
<li><a href="http://veryfriday.blogspot.co.nz/2011/02/rosamund-pike-spices-up-baftas.html" style="background-color: white;">Rosamund Pike spices up the Baftas</a><span style="background-color: white;"> (2011, 348 views) </span></li>
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<br />It warms my heart to think that in 12 years I have in some small way filled vital and hitherto uncharted gaps in the internet's understanding of the human condition, and the above list illustrates this point marvellously. Who could fail to love the word 'alabandical', for which my post is the second-listed search result on Google? Victoria Wood's Acorn Antiques sketch, containing a top performance from Julie Walters and the singular 'hens in the skirting board' line, does even better, being the number one Google result. Clearly, not that many people search Google for that exact phrase, but if they do - or better yet, if they hit 'I'm Feeling Lucky', if anyone does that these days - they come straight to the VFB. Job well done, that. Although it only provides a few words and links to the Youtube video, so I can't claim to have added an awful lot of value. The Ouija-Board item is a good representative of the traditional paragraph length pieces from The Onion that were perfect VFB fodder. And the Penguin Bat Game has long featured in my top posts, being popular with surfers across the world, particularly those from US military addresses. (That link above no longer works, but you can find it <a href="http://dagobah.net/flash/pinguin.swf">here</a>, or at least one very like it). And lastly, a bit of live TV gold from last year's Baftas, with the lovely Rosamund Pike nearly giving the game away. <br /><br />I'm only sorry there wasn't room in the list for the incomparably excellent <a href="http://www.addictinggames.com/action-games/monkeycliffdiving.jsp">Monkey Diving</a> dame, which caused so many lost hours of productivity in certain early 21st century workplaces. There have also been brushes with fame, like the visit and comment from the judge from the Philippines accused of <a href="http://veryfriday.blogspot.co.nz/2006/05/stamping-out-innovative-judicial.html">consulting imaginary mystical dwarves</a> when forming his verdicts, and the brief flamewar with a promoter of the thoroughly stylish and not-at-all-silly-looking <a href="http://veryfriday.blogspot.co.nz/2009/06/mantyhose.html">mantyhose</a>. Yes, it is what you think it is. <br /><br />So, unless I change my mind, this will be the last VFB post for the time being. Head on over to Slightly Intrepid for a mix of Very Friday-ish things and the odd photograph or travel blog. And thank you for visiting!Slightly Intrepidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03863685188013458226noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12868270.post-14222763900150286102012-02-23T04:50:00.000+00:002012-02-23T04:50:08.038+00:00No pickle, no performance<br />
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[Harold Kennedy's] book [<i>No Pickle, No Performance</i>] is dedicated to actress Renee Taylor, who refused to come on stage during a play's opening night until she got a pickle with her sandwich, as she had during the previews. The coffee shop that had provided those sandwiches was closed, and the curtain was held while a prop man got in his car and went searching for the holy pickle. It arrived seven minutes after the advertised curtain time, and the show went on.</div>
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Unknown to Taylor, the stage crew was so enraged by her antics that they performed "a little ceremony" with the pickle before giving it to her. Gloria Swanson later said: "Poor Miss Taylor. Can't you see her shopping around to every delicatessen in New York complaining that she can never find a pickle to match the caliber of the one she had in New Jersey."</div>
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<b>- Max Millard, interviewing Harold Kennedy, <a href="http://www.gutenberg.org/cache/epub/17385/pg17385.html">TV Shopper</a>, 22 July 1978</b></div>Slightly Intrepidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03863685188013458226noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12868270.post-4735316970151251472011-12-21T22:07:00.003+00:002011-12-21T22:07:43.666+00:00How to refuse a Christmas drink<br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">During the socially fraught Christmas party season it's always advisable to have a legitimate-sounding reason to turn down a drink, but now the "I'm driving" ploy has been exposed (<a href="http://www.mrc.ac.uk/Newspublications/News/MRC008397" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank" title="">thank you, Medical Research Council, which conducted the study</a>), what's needed are a few surefire excuses that will stop you getting served right away – no further questions asked:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">"No thanks. I get really racist after a few drinks."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Before I accept, I should warn you I brought a guitar with me."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">"I love drinking, but it doesn't half make me vomit."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Not for me, I have a flight to catch later on. No, I'm a pilot."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">"I know I don't look it, but I'm only 15. It's a long and deeply disturbing story."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">"A few more of these and I'll be ready to describe my unpublished novel to you!"</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Just the one – I left my tiny children home alone with nothing but an angry dog and a gas fire for company."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">"I would, only I swallowed all these condoms full of drugs earlier."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Well, it breaches the terms of my Asbo, but what the hell – it's Christmas!"</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit;">- Tim Dowling, <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/shortcuts/2011/dec/14/how-refuse-drink-christmas">Guardian</a>, 15 December 2011</span></b></div>Slightly Intrepidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03863685188013458226noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12868270.post-79934503497665196562011-12-05T05:50:00.001+00:002011-12-05T05:53:49.897+00:00Pippa Middleton's new bookA predictable wave of rage greets the news that Pippa Middleton is writing a party planning guide, for the amusing fee of £400,000.<br /><br />We've been here before, when the <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2011/feb/06/victoria-coren-middletons-royal-wedding">Middleton parents were accused of "plotting to cash in on the royal wedding"</a> by selling party props. That is one serious plot. They started a company selling party props in 1987. So the ground was laid for the Great Bunting Wheeze when the potential royal bride was only five years old; eat your heart out, Guy Fawkes.<br /><br />The nation, or at least its gruesome reflection on TV discussion shows (a self-selecting bunch, you have to admit), is "shocked anew" at this latest cash cow from the royal in-laws. What on earth can Pippa advise about parties that's worth so much money?<br /><br />("Fast of all, make sure you have enough chars. It is rarely important – like, rarely rarely important – that everyone can sit dyne. This is even true if you're iteside. And nobody wants a hog roast in the jolly old rain, so a marquee is a tairbly good idea…"?)<br /><br /><b>- Victoria Coren, <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2011/dec/04/victoria-coren-pippa-middleton-parties">Observer</a>, 4 December 2011</b>Slightly Intrepidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03863685188013458226noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12868270.post-33788682832957426632011-11-27T01:33:00.001+00:002011-11-27T01:36:48.461+00:00New Order'We picked the name New Order in complete innocence. Rob [Gretton] came up with it after reading about Kampuchea in the newspaper. We released our first bloody record and everybody's like, "You've done it again you Nazi bastards". We said, Fucking hell! Why didn't you tell us it was also Hitler's new order?! We kind of laughed at our own stupidity and thought, It's fairly typical of the way we do things, let's stick with it'.<br />
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<b>- Bernard Sumner, Mojo, July 2011</b>Slightly Intrepidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03863685188013458226noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12868270.post-51900253125284738212011-11-19T22:30:00.001+00:002011-11-19T22:30:34.856+00:00Growing up in the Waikato'They had an escalator in Hamilton - one at 2-4-6, I think. We used to go ride it on a Friday night - that was the best thing going'.<br />
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<b>- Neil Finn on growing up in Te Awamutu, Radio New Zealand, 19 November 2011</b>Slightly Intrepidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03863685188013458226noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12868270.post-32188514301572144772011-10-23T02:12:00.000+01:002011-10-23T02:12:37.621+01:00Till their eyes are almost staring out of their headsFrom a biography of 18th century English explorer <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Samuel_Hearne">Samuel Hearne</a> (1745-92), who travelled extensively in the vast northern regions around Hudson's Bay, a discussion of Hearne's record of the medical traditions of the Dene Indians (First People):<br />
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<a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_1643596290"><br /></a>The Dene had conjurors of their own, highly skilled men who reminded Hearne of magicians and 'jugglers' (sleight-of-hand artists) he had seen working the streets of London. To treat injuries, Dene conjurors would blow, spit and suck on the wound, or else chant over it unintelligibly. </blockquote>
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<a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_1643596290"><br /></a>'For some inward complaints, such as griping in the intestines, difficulty in making water, etc., it is very common to see those jugglers blowing into the anus, or into the parts adjacent, till their eyes are almost staring out of their heads; and this operation is performed indifferently on all, without regard to either age or sex. The accumulation of so large a quantity of wind is at times apt to occasion some extraordinary emotions, which are not easily suppressed by a sick person; and as there is no vent for it but by the channel through which it was conveyed thither, it sometimes occasions an odd scene between the doctor and his patient; which I once wantonly called an engagement, but for which I was afterwards exceedingly sorry, as it highly offended several of the Indians; particularly the juggler and the sick person, both of whom were men I much esteemed, and, except in that moment of levity, it had ever been no less my inclination than my interest to show them every respect that my situation would admit... Being naturally not very delicate, they frequently continue their windy process so long, that I have more than once seen the doctor quit his patient with a face and breast in a very disagreeable condition. However laughable this may appear to an European, custom makes it very indecent, in their opinion, to turn any thing of the kind to ridicule'.</blockquote>
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<b>- Samuel Hearne, quoted in Ken McGoogan, <i>Ancient Mariner</i>, London, 2004.</b><br />
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<br />Slightly Intrepidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03863685188013458226noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12868270.post-81494958515555802312011-10-07T05:35:00.002+01:002011-10-07T05:36:48.099+01:00The dignity of scientific endeavours<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"></span><br />
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Defences were found against U-boats. The great (New Zealand) physicist Sir Ernest Rutherford was held upside-down from a rowing boat above the Firth of Forth to see if he could hear anything, and eventually a hydrophone was invented, able to hear underwater noise.<u></u><u></u></div>
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<b><u></u>-<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"> </span><u></u>Norman Stone, <i>World War One: A Short History</i>, London, 2007, p.102</b>Slightly Intrepidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03863685188013458226noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12868270.post-56063504546691922692011-09-15T09:42:00.000+01:002011-09-15T09:42:57.084+01:00No bananas for PlatoKaspar say when he were rilly young he crave adventure so he go to Balaclava. He do the spellings so I know I got it right. Balaclava is near Sevastopol.<br />
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'There I am making the Grand Crimean Central Railway. I am that which you English people call a navvie'.<br />
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'I aint a Inglish people'.<br />
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'I beg your pardon. Are you only borrowing that nose and mouth? Are you speaking their language only for a time?'<br />
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'I want coin,' I say, hoping to end talk that turn sly.<br />
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'What are you desiring coin for, liebling?'<br />
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'Binarnas'.<br />
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Kaspar reply to me, 'Plato is saying that there is only one thing for which all coin should be exchanged, and that is wisdom'.<br />
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Prolly Playtoe never et a binarna.<br />
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<b>- 'Halfie', in <i><a href="http://www.nzherald.co.nz/entertainment-reviews/news/article.cfm?c_id=1502967&objectid=10712598">Hokitika Town</a></i> by Charlotte Randall, 2011</b>Slightly Intrepidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03863685188013458226noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12868270.post-42868332235681664012011-09-14T11:48:00.004+01:002011-09-15T09:35:26.234+01:00Heaven and hell to merge servicesIt has just been announced by a joint panel of representatives from both above and below that Heaven and Hell are to merge many of their services in an attempt to reach budget targets set by their respective bosses.<br /><br />According to a press release, admin and some policy roles currently supporting both Saints and Sinners are to be cut back with many positions merged into one service.<br /><br />The aim is to continue delivering the complete heaven/hell experience to those who arrive but reduce the amount of paperwork required for the process [...]<div>
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The statement said the proposed amalgamation of the policy divisions of heaven and hell would bring a more robust approach to the development of guiding documents. It cited the Ten Commandments as a classic example of great policy writing.<br /><br />"There are only 10 bullet points in the entire document. They are succinct, devoid of waffle and easy to understand. The mission statement developed by those managing hell is also sharp and to the point. Terms like fire, brimstone and damnation are very evocative and clearly represent the nature of the experience awaiting those heading that way.<br /><br />"Merging these two different messages into one brief directive: "Good or Evil - You Choose" then syndicating the concept to a reality TV programme will reduce staffing costs and boost profits."<br /><br /><b>- Terry Sarten, <a href="http://www.wanganuichronicle.co.nz/news/heaven-and-hell-to-merge-services/1083125/">Wanganui Chronicle</a>, 28 August 2011</b></div>
Slightly Intrepidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03863685188013458226noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12868270.post-86470465951177865252011-09-08T08:26:00.003+01:002011-09-08T08:26:47.599+01:00Children's face paintWaiting in line for the boats, our children rub their chins in the dirt and push their foreheads against our feet. They roll around on the ground and shout obscenities, then run in circles, screaming nonsense, while we play with the car keys in our pockets and gawk passively at the boats. Typically, we don't allow our children to misbehave this way. However, we do our best to understand. Their faces are in pain.<br />
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Our children's cheeks begin to ache as they wait in line for the boats and continue to ache until their faces are painted at the Frost Mountain Picnic. We've come to understand that all children are born with phantom cat whiskers. All children are born with phantom dog faces. All children are born with phantom American flag foreheads, rainbow-patterned jawbones, and deep, curving pirate scars, the absence of which haunts them throughout their youth. We understand that all children are born with searing and trivial images hidden in their faces, the absence of which causes them a great deal of discomfort. It is a pain that only the brush of a face painter can alleviate, each stroke revealing the cryptic pictures in our children's faces. Any good parent knows this.<br />
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<b>- Seth Fried, 'Frost Mountain Picnic Massacre', in <i>The Great Frustration</i>, Berkeley, 2011</b>Slightly Intrepidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03863685188013458226noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12868270.post-6481498015654566732011-09-03T22:38:00.000+01:002011-09-03T22:38:41.710+01:00Thor only knowsSpecial effects seem to muffle rather than quicken [director Kenneth] Branagh's interest, and, besides, there is no CGI in existence that could cope with the difference between [Natalie] Portman, a practicing sylph, and [Chris] Hemsworth, who looks to me like six and a half feet of corned beef. At one point, he takes his shirt off, and she stands beside him, a bit dazed, with the top of her head not quite parallel with his nipples. At the end - and I am giving away no secrets here - they kiss. But how? Is he holding her up, with her little toes kicking his kneecaps? Thor only knows.<br />
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<b>- Anthony Lane reviews <i>Thor</i>, New Yorker, 16 May 2011</b> <br />
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Slightly Intrepidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03863685188013458226noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12868270.post-22011053107712739802011-08-11T11:49:00.000+01:002011-08-11T11:49:39.084+01:00Cigarettes and ListerineCreating and playing on consumer insecurities, advertisers told potential buyers that one key to maintaining beauty, youth, energy and attractiveness was health and personal hygiene. The actress Constance Talmadge, <a href="http://coolspotters.com/actresses/constance-talmadge/and/brands/lucky-strike-cigarettes#medium-1387718">promoting cigarettes</a>, declared, 'There's real health in Lucky Strike ... For years this has been no secret to those men who keep fit and trim. They know that Luckies steady their nerves and do not harm their physical condition. They know that Lucky Strike is the favourite cigarette of many prominent athletes, who must keep in good shape'. Advertisers' success in manipulating the gullible buying public became an article of faith. An essay of 1922 on the subject opened with the words, 'Do I understand you to say that you do not believe in advertising? Indeed! Soon you will be telling me that you do not believe in God'.<br />
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In the early 1920s Listerine, variously used in the nineteenth century as a surgical antiseptic, a cure for venereal disease and a floor-cleaner, was transformed by advertising into a magical product which would free its user from the dreadful, life-ruining scourge of halitosis - a faux-medical term for bad breath invented by the marketing men. Their <a href="http://www.braincrave.com/viewblog.php?id=446">advertisements</a> showed a downcast girl holding her friend's bridal bouquet above the caption, 'Often a bridesmaid, but never a bride'. The cause of her loneliness was 'chronic halitosis' - which, happily, Listerine (rebranded as a mouthwash) promised to cure. Listerine's profits soared from $115,000 to $8 million in just seven years.<br />
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<b>- Lucy Moore, <i>Anything Goes: A biography of the Roaring Twenties</i>, London, 2008, p.146-7.</b>Slightly Intrepidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03863685188013458226noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12868270.post-72871982149722319952011-07-23T03:09:00.002+01:002011-07-23T03:09:33.425+01:00Scottish politicsWe have our own Parliament in Edinburgh, at a place called Holyrood, which, for information, is just north of Brigadoon. If you haven't been there and want to paint a mental picture for yourself, think of the glamour of Hollywood - then think of the exact opposite. With kilts.<br />
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But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me set the scene. The main political parties in Scotland are the SNP, Labour, and The Proclaimers. In addition to the main parties, a number of smaller parties have had some success, because we in Scotland have a system of proportional representation. 'What is this fictional form of voting,' I hear you cry, 'Is it something J.K. Rowling wrote of in the marvellous Harry Potter books?' No, it's real! You may have heard that PR is a concept that's as likely to work as Europe, but it does. As a result there are representatives at Holyrood from minority parties, such as the Greens... and the Conservatives. I should clarify that the situation for the Tories in Scotland is very different to that down south. In Scotland you're as likely to see a Tory as you are fruit. The majority party is the Scottish National Party, headed up by First Minister Alec Salmond. He's a tremendous orator, but he's got the unfortunate tendency, when he becomes passionate, to sound increasingly like a Dalek. 'Westminster must bow to the wishes of the Scottish people. Exterminate!'<br />
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<b>- Susan Calman, The Now Show, Radio 4, 1 July 2011.</b>Slightly Intrepidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03863685188013458226noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12868270.post-12932552713212638702011-07-05T01:12:00.000+01:002011-07-05T01:12:02.873+01:00A peace activistI think I can announce it as a fact, that it is not the wish or interest of that government [Massachusetts], or any other upon the continent, separately or collectively, to set up for independency [...] I am as well satisfied as I can be of my existence that no such thing is desired by any thinking man in all North America; on the contrary, that it is the ardent wish of the warmest advocates for liberty, that peace and tranquility, upon constitutional grounds, may be restored, and the horrors of civil discord prevented.<br />
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<b>- George Washington to Capt Robert Mackenzie, 9 October 1774, quoted in J.C.D. Clark, 'British America: What if there had been no American Revolution?', in <i>Virtual History</i>, Niall Ferguson (ed.), 2011 (originally published 1997). </b>Slightly Intrepidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03863685188013458226noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12868270.post-28875014124619195052011-07-05T01:10:00.002+01:002011-07-05T01:10:49.482+01:00On marriage and politicsThen there's the matter of "personal baggage", which in [Newt] Gingrich's case is a steamer trunk of Titanic proportions. Republicans are strong believers in man-on-woman marriage, so it makes sense that three of the most prominent Presidential possibilities - Daniels, Trump and Gingrich - have married eight times. (Only seven wives, though: Daniels married the same woman twice, with a Grover Cleveland-like four-year interval during which she left him to marry someone else). Gingrich stands out, for hypocrisy (daily demanding Clinton's impeachment which carrying on his own extra-marital affair with a subordinate), brutality (dumping his first wife while she was in treatment for cancer), and chutzpah (attributing his adulteries to "how passionately I felt about this country").<br />
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<b>- Hendrik Hertzberg, New Yorker, 23 May 2011</b>Slightly Intrepidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03863685188013458226noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12868270.post-74169915989688441542011-06-15T11:04:00.000+01:002011-06-15T11:04:16.145+01:00Insert your own 'short leg' reference here<div style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Freddie Owsley and his family were playing a game of beach cricket last week. Which was a fine thing for a teenager during a half-term holiday in Polzeath. The only problem was that nobody had brought a bat. No matter. Freddie found a suitable stick in the rocks nearby, long, thin and smooth with a lump at one end that would make a good club head. Freddie's hunch was right. The stick had a sizeable sweet-spot and when he swung and hit it sent sixes sailing out into the sea.</span></div><div style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div><div style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"></div><div style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">They were half-way through the game when a family friend who happened to be a doctor spotted that the reclaimed bat was in fact a human thigh bone. The police later found part of a pelvis and spine as well. Local archaeologist Phil Coplestone estimates that the bones are 200 years old, and thinks that they are the remains of a sailor whose body was washed ashore after a shipwreck in 1808.</span></div><div style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div><div style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">- Andy Bull, The Spin cricket newsletter, Guardian, 14 June 2011</span></b></div>Slightly Intrepidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03863685188013458226noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12868270.post-70504173009346627982011-06-14T13:07:00.000+01:002011-06-14T13:07:13.077+01:00How to appear diligentSir - I can remember working in the City of London back in the 1990s when it started to become necessary to work longer hours. A colleague had an extra jacket that he left over the back of his chair so that it looked like he was away from his desk. In fact, he had left to catch his train.<br />
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<b>- Cary Labdon, letter to the Times, 25 May 2011</b>Slightly Intrepidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03863685188013458226noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12868270.post-43070164775460087042011-06-12T15:45:00.000+01:002011-06-12T15:45:14.862+01:00Flashman weighs his optionsIn George Macdonald Fraser's 1990 novel <i><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flashman_and_the_Mountain_of_Light">Flashman and the Mountain of Light</a></i>, the eponymous anti-hero and unabashed cad finds himself in a bit of a pickle during his secret mission to the Court of the Punjab in 1845. He sits down to tabulate the pros and cons of his present perilous situation, in his own inimitable style:<br />
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<blockquote>EVIL: I am cut off in a savage land which will be at war with my own country presently </blockquote><blockquote>GOOD: I enjoy diplomatic immunity, for what it's worth, and am in good health, but ruined.</blockquote><blockquote>EVIL: An attempt has been made to assassinate me. These buggers would sooner murder people than eat their dinners.</blockquote><blockquote>GOOD: It failed, and I am under the protection of the queen bee, who rides like a rabbit. Also, [the American adventurer and agent Alexander] Gardner will look out for me.</blockquote><blockquote>EVIL: My orderly turns out to be the greatest villain since Dick Turpin, and is an American to boot.</blockquote><blockquote>GOOD: [Major] Broadfoot chose him, and since I see no reason why he should be hostile to me, I shall watch him like a hawk.</blockquote><blockquote>EVIL: Damn Broadfoot for landing me in this stew, when I could have been safe at home rogering Elspeth [Flashman's wife].</blockquote><blockquote>GOOD: Rations and quarters are A1, and Mangla sober is a capital mount, though she don't compare to Jeendan drunk.</blockquote><blockquote>EVIL: If I were a praying man, the Almighty would hear from me in no uncertain terms, and much good it would do me.</blockquote><blockquote>GOOD: Being a pagan (attached C of E) with no divine resources, I shall tread uncommon wary and keep my pepperbox [pistol] handy.</blockquote>Slightly Intrepidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03863685188013458226noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12868270.post-88615568933356604592011-05-27T09:40:00.003+01:002011-05-27T09:41:05.006+01:00Clockwork cricket<div style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">"Well, I've got my cricket gear in the car. We could try that" - Malcolm McDowell explains the inspiration behind one of the most iconic outfits in movie history, the white suits and codpieces worn by Alex and his Droogs in A Clockwork Orange. McDowell recalled this week how he and the film's director Stanley Kubrick were struggling to come up with a costume for the lead character.</span></div><div style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div><div style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">"I was over at his house, you know, looking for stuff to do. And I didn't like anything there, really. They had a big box of hats, some with feathers. I thought that was pretty lame. So I went to the car and got my cricket gear. And he says, 'Oh yeah, I love the white.' And so I put it on. And Stanley goes, 'Oh put the protector on the outside.' So I wore the box on the outside like a codpiece. He goes, 'This could be like the middle ages. I like this look.' And that's how the look of the Droogs came; because I had my cricket stuff in the back of my car."</span></div><div style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div><div style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">- Andy Bull, The Spin cricket newsletter, Guardian, 24 May 2011</span></b></div>Slightly Intrepidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03863685188013458226noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12868270.post-54043292302809422102011-05-26T13:51:00.000+01:002011-05-26T13:51:13.556+01:00Observational comedyIt was very different then, comedy in the 80s. What the comedy was in the 80s was a load of people and they all hated the Tories, and they went out to a place, and there was a guy on stage there, and he hated the Tories. And he'd go, "I hate the Tories!", and the audience would go, "We hate the Tories as well!", and they'd go home happy, 67 pence well spent.<br />
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It's very different now, the comedy. I've seen some of it on the Roadshow on telly. It's in stadiums now innit. What the comedy is now is a load of people, and they all hate their electrical appliances. And they go out to a place, and there's a guy on stage there, and he hates his electrical appliances. And he goes, "I hate my electrical appliances!", and the audience goes "We hate our electrical appliances as well!", and they go home happy, forty-seven pounds fifty well spent.<br />
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"I hate my toaster, it's only got two settings: black burned charcoal, or just warm bread". It's broken, innit. Mate, that toaster's broken. They wouldn't make a toaster like that. There'd be no market for it.<br />
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<b>-Stewart Lee, in Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle, s.2 e.4, BBC2, 25 May 2011</b>Slightly Intrepidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03863685188013458226noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12868270.post-71703220363036003382011-05-20T08:51:00.000+01:002011-05-20T08:51:56.393+01:00Archetypal TNT 'Desperately Seeking' ad<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Further to my post from <a href="http://veryfriday.blogspot.com/2010/02/antipodeans-in-london.html">last year</a> on TNT Magazine's 'Desperately Seeking' column, this classic appeared in this week's edition (16-22 May):</span><br />
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</span><br />
<blockquote><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">I'm looking for a short blonde Aussie girl with glasses called Jean or Joan: I met her at the Walkabout the Friday before Easter Bank Holiday. She was hanging about the men's toilets with a few scrubbers and I managed to pull her later after the pub shut. I would like to see her again, if only because I have apparently got the clap and she is one of the girls I need to contact. If she can drop me a line I would like to see her again, maybe for a rematch under better circumstances.</span></span></blockquote><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">It's such a relief to learn that chivalry is not dead.</span></span>Slightly Intrepidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03863685188013458226noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12868270.post-39111434740008079732011-05-14T14:47:00.001+01:002011-05-14T14:47:52.132+01:00The requisite amount of contemptThere was a film last year, the film Kick-Ass. And the young people were very excited about the film Kick-Ass, because in the film Kick-Ass there was a scene where you could see a 12-year-old girl use the word c***, which is the C-word, isn't it.<br />
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Now where I live, in Hackney, I can see that any day of the week. In fact only this morning on the 73 bus I saw a 12-year-old girl call someone a c***. Although to be fair there were mitigating circumstances. Her daughter was being extremely annoying.<br />
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Did you like that joke? I didn't, I'm ashamed of it to be honest. I'm ashamed of having thought of that joke. Although I have been advised that I might be able to sell that joke to Frankie Boyle's Tramadol Nights. Apparently it has the requisite amount of contempt for vulnerable people. Or 'edge', as it's known at Channel 4.<br />
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<b>- Stewart Lee, in Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle, s.2 e.2, BBC2, 11 May 2011</b>Slightly Intrepidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03863685188013458226noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12868270.post-57274602797766094542011-05-12T12:47:00.000+01:002011-05-13T21:30:38.101+01:00Familiarity and Radio 4'People don't like things because they're nice - they like things because they're used to them. That's the whole principle behind Radio 4'.<br />
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<b>- David Mitchell, The Unbelievable Truth, Radio 4, 2 May 2011.</b>Slightly Intrepidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03863685188013458226noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12868270.post-56957334210917539862011-05-10T22:20:00.000+01:002011-05-10T22:20:09.710+01:00Delusions of would-be ApprenticesIt's time for The Apprentice on the BBC once more, which is the cue for a round-up of the most foolish and bizarre boasts from previous competitors. Can't they see the headlights getting closer, ever closer...?<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><b>"I'm not a one-trick pony, I'm not a 10-trick pony - I've got a field of ponies waiting to literally run towards this job."</b> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">Stuart "The Brand" Baggs last year, uttering the now infamous line. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">What?</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 16px;"><b>"When you can break bricks with your hands you believe in your head you can do anything, and in business I take on the same ethic,"</b></span> said Ifti Chaudhri in series four. Andrew Billen, TV critic at the Times, says such horrible jargon is right out of Ricky Gervais's The Office, although done without any sense of irony. "They are Ricky's phrases in the making, but there's no self knowledge in any of it."</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><b>"<span style="line-height: 16px;">Everything I touch turns to sold</span>."</b> Really Stuart Baggs? Everything except all those sausages you failed to sell in the very first task in series six, resulting in you almost being fired by Lord Sugar in week one. "I don't know why they say these things, because Sugar is quite plain speaking," says Billen.</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><b>"<span style="line-height: 16px;">Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there's footsteps on the moon</span>."</b> Yes, we've sneaked in a line from one of this year's candidates. Melody Hossani, we look forward to hearing a lot more from you.</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><b>- <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-13338023">BBC News</a>, 10 May 2011</b></span></span>Slightly Intrepidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03863685188013458226noreply@blogger.com0