Scottish politics

We have our own Parliament in Edinburgh, at a place called Holyrood, which, for information, is just north of Brigadoon. If you haven't been there and want to paint a mental picture for yourself, think of the glamour of Hollywood - then think of the exact opposite. With kilts.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me set the scene. The main political parties in Scotland are the SNP, Labour, and The Proclaimers. In addition to the main parties, a number of smaller parties have had some success, because we in Scotland have a system of proportional representation. 'What is this fictional form of voting,' I hear you cry, 'Is it something J.K. Rowling wrote of in the marvellous Harry Potter books?' No, it's real! You may have heard that PR is a concept that's as likely to work as Europe, but it does. As a result there are representatives at Holyrood from minority parties, such as the Greens... and the Conservatives. I should clarify that the situation for the Tories in Scotland is very different to that down south. In Scotland you're as likely to see a Tory as you are fruit. The majority party is the Scottish National Party, headed up by First Minister Alec Salmond. He's a tremendous orator, but he's got the unfortunate tendency, when he becomes passionate, to sound increasingly like a Dalek. 'Westminster must bow to the wishes of the Scottish people. Exterminate!'

- Susan Calman, The Now Show, Radio 4, 1 July 2011.

On marriage and politics

Then there's the matter of "personal baggage", which in [Newt] Gingrich's case is a steamer trunk of Titanic proportions. Republicans are strong believers in man-on-woman marriage, so it makes sense that three of the most prominent Presidential possibilities - Daniels, Trump and Gingrich - have married eight times. (Only seven wives, though: Daniels married the same woman twice, with a Grover Cleveland-like four-year interval during which she left him to marry someone else). Gingrich stands out, for hypocrisy (daily demanding Clinton's impeachment which carrying on his own extra-marital affair with a subordinate), brutality (dumping his first wife while she was in treatment for cancer), and chutzpah (attributing his adulteries to "how passionately I felt about this country").

- Hendrik Hertzberg, New Yorker, 23 May 2011

Rotten boroughs

Until the 1830s, it was common for a rich landowner to regard a Commons seat as his family property. These were the rotten boroughs and pocket boroughs, which had such tiny electorates that an election was easily bought or rigged. The families who owned them considered it their birthright to choose their MPs, or – if money was tight – to sell the privilege to someone else.

Old Sarum, site of the original Salisbury settlement, was the most notorious example. Because there was a bishop's house there in the 13th century, the area was invited by Edward II to send two representatives to the Commons. The bishop moved his residence to Salisbury soon afterwards, but for centuries, Old Sarum solemnly returned one or two MPs, long after its last human inhabitants had left. Only once in six centuries was there a contested election in Old Sarum, when three candidates vied for two seats.

Old Sarum held its elections under a designated tree in a cornfield. None of the electors lived in the constituency. No one did. But the landlord had the right to allocate votes to a handful of his tenants who would assemble under the tree and do as they were told.

The seat was owned by the Pitt family for 110 years, until they sold it for a reputed £43,000 after a member of the family had created a national scandal by instructing Old Sarum's seven electors to vote for a clergyman. It was considered improper for a man of the cloth to sit in the Commons. William Pitt the Elder began his political career under that famous tree.

- Independent, 21 April 2011

Morbid Curiosity Leading Many Voters To Support Palin

'Having Palin in office would be like a four-year-long white water rafting trip - it might kill us, but if it doesn't we'll end up with a lot of crazy-ass photos' - Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY)


Morbid Curiosity Leading Many Voters To Support Palin

Iranian editorial policy

"Sticks and stones may break my bones – but names will never hurt me." I was reminded of the highly sensible old saying when I read about the typically level-headed and well-modulated attack on First Française Carla Bruni and the actress Isabelle Adjani for daring to add their voices to the international protest against the proposed stoning to death of Sakineh Mohammadi-Ashtiani, the 43-year-old mother-of-two accused of adultery, by the Iranian newspaper Kayhan.

This paragon of the free press is directly under the supervision of President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's government and has its editor appointed by the Supreme Leader of Iran, Ayatollah Khameini – and don't you just wish you could be a fly on the wall at one of their editorial meetings.

"That Carla Bruni – she says we shouldn't stone adulteresses to death."

"She must be a prostitute!"

"Yeah, and her Mum!"

"And that actress – Isabelle Adjani? She says it too."

"Right, that's it. She was in that film Ishtar, with that Zionist thug Dustin Hoffman – I hated that film! That's 103 minutes of my life I'll never get back again!"

"She's probably a prostitute too!"

"OK, there's our headline – FRENCH PROSTITUTES ENTER HUMAN RIGHTS PROTEST. Now, next up – who's the stunna getting stoned to death on Page 3 today?" [...]

I must say that I was perplexed, though, by the reference to Mrs Sarkozy as a "hypocrite", while drawing ungentlemanly attention to her sexual generosity over the years. (Sexual charity, even, if you count Mick Jagger, who looks as if a very bored giant practised origami on his face for a very long time.)

Surely wishing women not to be put to death for committing adultery, if you are yourself a woman who has slept with married men, is the opposite of hypocrisy – ie, damn good sense? Surely a hypocrite would be a woman who had committed adultery yet wanted other women to be stoned to death for it?

- Julie Burchill, Independent, 1 September 2010

The moribund Senate

'Filibusters, once rare, are now used to block the most routine procedures, ensuring minimal cross-pollination of ideas. The obstructionism and crankiness are laughable. Senator Jim Bunning of Kentucky, while vowing not to leave the chamber as a procedural move to hold up unemployment benefits for millions, complained about the personal hardship he suffered for his parliamentary stunt — missing a college basketball game on TV.

“Free smoothies for crazy people in the lobby,” was Jon Stewart’s suggestion to get Bunning out of the chambers, not an unreasonable idea for this gilded nursing home of people muttering into C-Span cameras [...]

Little has changed since Mark Twain offered this assessment: “Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”'

- Timothy Egan, New York Times, 11 August 2010

A vast bicycle conspiracy

'Colorado's Republican gubernatorial candidate Dan Maes has accused his likely opponent, Democratic Mayor John Hickenlooper, of "converting Denver into a United Nations community" by promoting bike riding and other sustainability issues.

According to Maes, who is a Tea Party favorite, Hickenlooper's bike plans are "all very well-disguised, but [they] will be exposed."

Specifically, the plans that Maes is raising the alarm over include the city's B-Cycle program which makes a network of about 400 red bikes available for rent at locations throughout the city. B-Cycle's website touts that, "bike sharing makes it economical and convenient to use bikes for trips that are too far to walk but too short to drive.... With your magic red bike, you don’t have to look for a parking space or bring your own bike with you everywhere you go. Plus, riding a B-cycle is good for you and good for the environment. It’s the newest and best way to get around town."

However, Maes warns that B-Cycle is "bigger than it looks like on the surface, and it could threaten our personal freedoms."

Additionally, Maes, who made these comments during a campaign rally and also to the Denver Post, worries about Denver's membership in the International Council for Local Environmental Initiatives (ICLEI). The ICLEI, which is an international association of local governments dedicated to sustainable development, has over 600 US communities as members.

Maes, however, says he is not being fooled — “At first, I thought, ‘Gosh, public transportation, what’s wrong with that, and what’s wrong with people parking their cars and riding their bikes? And what’s wrong with incentives for green cars?’ But if you do your homework and research, you realize ICLEI is part of a greater strategy to rein in American cities under a United Nations treaty,” adding "some would argue this document that mayors have signed is contradictory to our own Constitution."

Responding to Maes' accusations that Mayor Hickenlooper is leading Denver down a path towards UN rule, a spokesman for the mayor noted that Denver’s membership in ICLEI dates back to 1992, while Mr. Hickenlooper was elected mayor in 2003'.

- Greenanswers, 4 August 2010

Probably not ideal ambassadorial material

From an article on the corruption trial of disgraced former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich:

[His former chief of staff John] Harris told jurors that Blagojevich suggested leaking false reports that he was thinking about appointing state officials, including Attorney General Lisa Madigan, to give Obama and his advisers the impression that he would be expending a lot of political capital in appointing their preferred candidate Valerie Jarrett — and so would expect more in return.

Among a list of appointments he thought he might be able to secure in the new administration in exchange for appointing Jarrett to the seat was U.S. Secretary of Health and Human Services, or ambassador to the U.N., Canada, Germany, England, France or India, according to the tape.

Harris implied that ambassador to India might be too important a position for a former Illinois governor.

"I'm the governor of a $58 billion corporation," Blagojevich said on the tape, referring to Illinois and cursing. "Why can't I be the ... ambassador to India?"

Blagojevich says to Harris in the recorded conversation that he understood he was so politically damaged in Illinois that he didn't want to ask Obama for any help that might suggest he wanted to remain governor.

- Christian Science Monitor, 23 June 2010

A pakeha myth, like speed limits and Dunedin

From an imaginary interview with Maori Party MP Hone Harawira:

DP: There’s been some confusion about the Maori Party’s flagship Whanau Ora initiative. Can you give a brief overview of the policy?

HH: At its core it’s very simple. Billions of years from now . . . [At this point a door opens in the building; due to noise from the nearby rehearsal Mr Harawira's voice is not audible - drowned out by 'Oh No You Won't', a charming duet between Helen Clark and Mr Harawira's Mother Titewhai. The gap lasts for nine minutes.]

HH: . . . W and Z bosons and the kaitiaki of the rangitira over all elementary particles we estimate Whanau Ora will allow New Zealand to overtake Australia in GDP by as soon as 2018.

DP: That’s just breathtaking.

HH: But the real key is communication. Without a clear understanding of the policy in the minds of the nuinga we are doomed to fail.

DP: And this policy has buy-in from the National Party cabinet and John Key?

HH: Actually there is no such thing as John Key. He’s a pakeha myth perpetuated by the racist media – like speed limits and Dunedin. But we have support from the Ministers with the relevent portfolios.

DP: I’d like to ask you about the extra funding received by Te Puni Kokiri in the budget. Extra funding for Maori tourism and export operators on top of continuity for existing programs such as Ngā Kaihanga Hou . . .

HH: All excellent programs that deliver great returns for all taxpayers . . .

DP: So what is your response to the recent leaked Cabinet report concluding that the only function Te Puni Kokiri serves is to make up fake Maori sounding words and try and trick gullible white people into using them?

HH: Simply not true and this is another area where National and the Maori Party have agreed to disagree and abide by the Maori principle of tirangawhai.

- As imagined by Danyl of the Dimpost

An urban liberal's dilemma

Columnist Lucy Mangan, on how to cope with the new Conservative government:

First of all, do not despair. I have known – thanks to university, law school and my husband's insistence that I meet his friends – many Tories and the first thing to realise is that they are not all evil. I was brought up to believe that they are, but this is not universally true. Cameron, Osborne and the rest of the cabinet are, of course. But the further out you move through the rings surrounding that toxic little nucleus, the more you will find basic humanity starting to creep back in. I would say that the average Conservative, while 100% wrong, is no more than 30% actual evil. It gives you something to work with.

- Guardian, 13 May 2010

None Of The Above

And now for a bit of novelty. Press Association's Chris Montcrieff reports that a candidate whose surname is "Above" and whose "Other Names" are given as "None Of The" is contesting the election in Chingford and Woodford Green, the seat being defended by Iain Duncan Smith, the former Conservative leader.

Unfortunately for "Mr Above" he appears, for alphabetical reasons, at the top of the list of candidates, with no one above him.

It might have been wiser for him to have renamed himself "Below", which would at least have put him second in a list of eight candidates.

- Guardian election liveblog, 6 May 2010

"We're all doomed, doomed"

The second so-called debate last week was a cross between the Who Wants To Be A Prime Minister show and Dad’s Army. The three contestants put on their best performances for the viewer’s vote, each displaying their own qualities from the classic 1960s series: David Cameron reminded me of Private Walker, a slick-talking spiv, trying to sell us a load of old junk. Gordon Brown was Frazer, the Scottish undertaker who effortlessly exudes doom and gloom. And Nick Clegg, despite his recent bombardment of adoration, perfectly took on the role of the boyish Private Pike, prattling on about what life would be like in his Liberal La La Land…

- Peter Flynn, Sheffield, letter to the Independent, 26 April 2010

The live abortion of democracy

Marina Hyde, on the sea of insincerity, desperation and hubris in the Sky Leaders Debate spin room:

"Mos Eisley spaceport," sighs Ben Kenobi in Star Wars. "You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy ... " Evidently Obi Wan never visited Sky's post-debate spin room, which – pound-of-flesh for pound-of-flesh – must have been one of the most distasteful places to be in this galaxy or any other tonight.

The venue was an interactive science museum in Bristol, magically transformed by Rupert Murdoch's news network into a fully operational 10th circle of hell. Behold, the cream of Britain's arseoisie, as journalists, spin doctors and politicians interact in scenes that just scream "Come, friendly bombs …"

To the left, George Osborne robotically repeating "David Cameron showed passion, leadership and commitment." To the right, Michael Gove simulating anguish that Nick Clegg should have referred to the dead Polish president's party as nutters: "The sort of comment that no one who wants to be taken seriously should utter." In the middle, Alastair Campbell failing to pull off sang froid: "It's a poll, it's a poll – you can take them or leave them." And unifying the picture, Sky's endlessly pant-wetting coverage of its own coverage.

It was like watching the live abortion of democracy. Had the network decided the evening should have been immortalised in oil paint (surely only a matter of time), Hieronymus Bosch would have declined the commission on the basis that it was a hellscape too far even for him.

- Marina Hyde, Guardian, 22 April 2010

On Palinspeak

I don’t think Palin’s phraseology is actively attractive to her fans. Rather, what is remarkable is that this way of speaking doesn’t prevent someone, today, from public influence. Candidates bite the dust for being untelegenic, dour, philanderers, strident, or looking silly posing in a tank. But having trouble rubbing a noun and a verb together is not considered a mark against one as a figure of political authority [...]

The modern American typically relates warmly to the use of English to the extent that it summons the oral — “You betcha,” “Yes we can!” -- while passing from indifference to discomfort to the extent that its use leans towards the stringent artifice of written language. As such, Sarah Palin can talk, basically, like a child and be lionized by a robust number of perfectly intelligent people as an avatar of American culture. And linguistically, let’s face it: she is.

- John McWhorter, 'What Does Palinspeak Mean?', The New Republic, 6 April 2010

[Via ALD]

What's in a name?

Last year, worried about how an impeccably pedigreed Tory candidate named Annunziata Rees-Mogg would go over with the hoi polloi, [Conservative leader David] Cameron suggested that she might want to campaign under the name “Nancy Mogg.”

She refused, although, to be fair, another candidate, the spectacularly named Richard Grosvenor Plunkett-Ernle-Erle-Drax, dutifully “de-toffed” himself by downgrading to “Richard Drax” on campaign posters.

Meanwhile, Ms. Rees-Mogg’s brother, Jacob, a banker who is also running for Parliament and who appears to believe he belongs to the “Brideshead Revisited” era, having once taken his childhood nanny with him on the campaign trail, went on television to denounce Mr. Cameron’s plan to get more women and minorities elected as the triumph of “potted plants” over “intellectually able people.”

- New York Times, 22 March 2010

Virtuous ignorance

'A book that begins with Governor Palin visiting the Alaska Right to Life booth at the 2008 state fair ("With their passion and sincerity, the ladies typified the difference between principles and politics") clearly isn't aiming to pander to liberal trespassers among its readers. Her encounter with the sincere and passionate ladies, and the jangling false antithesis between "principles" and "politics," which goes little further than the fact that both words begin with a p, sound the opening notes of Palin's dominant theme, as she markets her brand of "Commonsense Conservatism."

Commonsense Conservatism hinges on the not-so-tacit assumption that the average, hardworking churchgoer, like the ladies at the booth, equipped with the fundamental, God-given ability to distinguish right from wrong, is in a better position to judge, on "principle," the merits of an economic policy or the deployment of American troops abroad than "the 'experts'"—a term here unfailingly placed between derisive quotation marks. Desiccated expertise, of the kind possessed by economists, environmental scientists, and overinformed reporters from the lamestream media, clouds good judgment; Palin's life, by contrast, is presented as one of passion, sincerity, and principle. Going Rogue, in other words, is a four-hundred-page paean to virtuous ignorance'

- Jonathan Raban reviews Sarah Palin's Going Rogue, New York Review of Books, 14 January 2010

This is what you get for having 77-year-old politicians

'Key Republicans are gently (or not gently enough) trying to dissuade [Senator Roland] Bunning from seeking re-election in 2010 out of concern that his paltry fund-raising, declining approval ratings and irascible conduct have made him something between vulnerable and unelectable.

But in recent weeks, Mr. Bunning has shown no sign of stepping aside and delivered a string of incendiary pronouncements that have fed an impression that he is, to go with a baseball metaphor, a bit of a screwball.

He declared in a speech last month that the cancer-stricken Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg would probably be dead in nine months. (He then apologized in a statement that twice misspelled her name.) He threatened to sue the National Republican Senatorial Committee if it backed a primary challenger. And he hinted at a Capitol Hill fund-raiser last week that he was so mad at some in his party that he might just quit and let Kentucky’s Democratic governor pick his successor.

The senator later denied saying this, but veteran Bunning-watchers said it was impossible to know exactly what he had in mind'

- New York Times, 5 March 2009

A modicum of bad language

Parliamentary sketch-writer Simon Hoggart, on the tabling of the famously sweary Alastair Campbell's diaries at the Hutton Inquiry in September 2003:

'The Campbell diaries exploded on top of the Hutton Inquiry like a shellburst over the chateau where the officers are billeted. They were sensational! Right in the very first paragraph he wrote 'G[eoff] H[oon] and I agreed that it would f--- Gilligan if that was his source'.

We gasped. We reeled. The thought that a senior official in the British government would use the word only once in the pages of his diaries was unimaginable! This is a man who probably reads his children stories like Now We Are F---ing Six and The Wind In The F---ing Willows. Were the diaries a forgery? It seemed a real possibility'.

- from Simon Hoggart, The Hands of History, London, 2007

He would've enjoyed the swearing-in

'Celebrity socialite Paris Hilton believes TV chef Gordon Ramsay is the British Prime Minister. The hotel heiress made the embarrassing statement while in England to promote her new reality TV show Paris Hilton’s British Best Friend.

After explaining she is desperate to find a UK pal because she "loves Britain" and "London is her favourite city in the world", the 27-year-old socialite was asked who the Prime Minister of the country was.

Rather than replying 'Gordon Brown', Paris said: "It's Gordon ... Gordon Ramsay?"'

- Stuff.co.nz, 30 January 2009

Doughnut conspiracies

Anti-abortionists in the US are taking bizarre potshots at none other than the Krispy Kreme doughnut chain, which is hard to imagine as a hotbed of contention in the abortion debate, or any other debate for that matter:

Seeking to commemorate Barack Obama's inauguration Tuesday—and no doubt bring in more business—Krispy Kreme is offering "a free doughnut of choice to every customer on this historic day." The offer is about "honoring American's [sic] sense of pride and freedom of choice," the chain said in a news release. "Stores nationwide are making an oath to tasty goodies—just another reminder of how oh-so-sweet 'free' can be."

Aha!

While the average reader might be offended by the news release's hokey metaphors and debasement of the very concept of freedom, the American Life League sees something sinister at work.

"Freedom of choice?"

"Doughnut of choice?"

"Barack Obama?"

Perhaps Krispy Kreme is really talking about ... abortion!

"The unfortunate reality of a post Roe v. Wade America is that 'choice' is synonymous with abortion access and celebration of 'freedom of choice' is a tacit endorsement of abortion rights on demand," American Life League President Judie Brown said in a news release. "The next time you stare down a conveyor belt of slow-moving, hot, sugary glazed donuts at your local Krispy Kreme you just might be supporting President-elect Barack Obama's radical support for abortion on demand."

For the record, a Krispy Kreme spokesman assured The Talk that "the Inauguration Day promotion is not about any social or political issue."

Does Ms Brown have no inbuilt self-humiliation detector?

- Source: Chicago Tribune, 19 January 2009