Not suitable for Datsuns

'In January, the most expensive parking space ever sold by Harrods, in Knightsbridge, central London, went for £200,000.  Now the company is on the verge of selling another in its branded car-parking complex.  On the market for £225,000, and with a 93-year lease, it has gone to sealed bids and is expected to fetch much more.  Harrods estimates that it will equate to £1800 per sq ft, roughly the cost of a pied-a-terre in Mayfair. 

 

At the same time, Quintessentially Estates, the property-finding arm of the top end concierge service, has just looked at a garage for a client that is off the King's Road, holds three cars and is on the market for £600,000'

 

- Sunday Times, 29 April 2007

 

[Note for New Zealanders: £600,000 is NZ$1.6m]

On brevity

From a round-up of the Democratic presidential hopefuls' debate in South Carolina:

 

The debate was free of personal abuse and Mr [Joe] Biden got the laugh of the night. He was called on to respond to an accusation that he was too verbose and asked whether he could provide an assurance to voters he "would have the discipline you would need on the world stage".

"Yes," Mr Biden said, refusing to utter another word.

- Guardian, 27 April 2007

Defective automatic trousers hurl pilot from plane

Not only is the headline practically perfect, the tagline rocks as well: 'Rogue expando-pants amok in Wallace & Gromit style devastation'.  Tells you all you need to know right there.

 

- The Register, 26 April 2007

The perks of Catholicism

The Minister of Corrections is reviewing a legislative prohibition that inadvertently prevents Catholic prisoners detained by the Corrections Department from receiving communion wine.  If I ever get banged up, I plan to start a religion with rituals requiring gin & tonics and chicken & apricot pizza...

 

- Source: O'Connor asks Corrections to review communion wine, Press release, 26 April 2007

Far fewer than six degrees of separation

A suspected fraudster has been arrested in Wellington after attempting to chat up a woman who happened to be the sister of an alleged victim.  The sister recognised the cad and called the police, after playing along with his chat-up attempt and securing his name and telephone number.  It just goes to show - it pays not to do anything dodgy in Wellington, because everyone finds out about it sooner or later! 

 

- Dominion Post, 24 April 2007

On beards, false or otherwise

'The bearded man was now eating some sort of fish with sauce on it.  And Berry, watching him intently, became gripped with a suspicion that grew stronger with each moment.  That beard, he could swear, was a false one.  It was so evidently hampering its proprietor.  He was pushing bits of fish through it in the cautious manner of an explorer blazing a trail through a strong forest.  In short, instead of being a man afflicted by nature with a beard, and as such more to be pitied than censured, he was a deliberate putter-on of beards, a self-bearder, a fellow who, for who knew what dark purposes, carried his own private jungle around with him, so that any moment he could dive into it and defy pursuit.  It was childish to suppose that such a man could be up to any good'

- PG Wodehouse, 'Big Money', 1931 

They always get their man, eventually

A warrant for the arrest of a man accused with assault in Southland in June 1979 has finally been carried out, when the man voluntarily appeared in the Invercargill District Court yesterday.  The man, on a regular visit back to New Zealand from his home in Queensland, appeared at court voluntarily, nearly 27 years after the alleged offence took place.  

 

- Source: Southland Times, 18 April 2007

 

[When the alleged offence occurred, Robert Muldoon was Prime Minister, Michael Fowler was Mayor of Wellington, and the doomed Carless Days scheme was just about to be introduced.  Which is not to imply a causal link]

England's cricket woes

"Fletcher and Vaughan should be made to swim home, covered in minced chicken livers, golden syrup and feathers," says Louise Peake.

 

- The knives are out for the England coach and captain after the team's capitulation in the Cricket World Cup; Guardian , 17 April 2007  

Do as I say, not as I do

"There must be two Justin Langers in the world, I think"

- Ricky Ponting can't believe that Justin Langer, never shy of a word or two himself, wants sledging stopped in county cricket (Source: Cricinfo)

Australians being very stupid

'There was another big docudrama last week, Murder in the Outback (Sunday, ITV1), about the murder of Peter Falconio and the tribulations of his travelling companion, Joanne Lees.  This episodic whodunnit courtroom drama had only one tiny fault - we all knew how it was going to end.  It's really difficult to maintain the suspense when they send the jury out and do that nail-biting, pacing and muttering stuff when it was all over the papers four years ago.  Did they think we'd all get artistic amnesia?  As far as I could tell, the whole point of the programme was to show us Australians being very stupid indeed.  What confirms that they are probably all two dingoes short of a creche is that they co-produced this drama about how stupid they are.  The whole thing could have been made by the New Zealand tourist board'

- A A Gill TV review, Sunday Times, 15 April 2007