'Despite the invisibility of our baby (except, of course, for the enormous bump protruding from Jennifer's midriff) it still manages to make its presence felt. In the manner of a dysfunctional ex-couple who communicate through their lawyer, the baby and I exchange information via Jennifer. For example:
Jennifer: The baby wants fish and chips for dinner.
Me: Can the baby wait until I've finished watching Top Gear?
Jennifer: The baby says no.
Over the past few months the baby's demands have become increasingly forceful, and have included requests to:
- Straighten pictures which are annoying the baby because they're crooked.
- Make midnight visits to the 24-hour petrol station to procure salt & vinegar crisps for the baby.
- Cook a "delicious pudding" for the baby.
- Buy the baby a 10 megapixel camera with 6X optical zoom'
- David Haywood, Southerly, 12 June 2007