So I still get paid, right?

A footballer playing for English minor league club Chippenham Town has been red-carded and sent off a mere three seconds into a match against Bashley.  David Pratt's wild tackle earned him the record for the quickest sending-off in senior football, although he's not proud of the record.  Bashley went on to win the match 2-1.

Entertainingly, a few years ago another player was sent off in even fewer seconds for a non-playing incident:

Also in 2000 an English amateur player, Lee Todd, was sent off after two seconds when he responded to the referee's whistle to start the game by saying "xxxx me, that was loud" and was dismissed for foul and abusive language.

- Stuff.co.nz, 30 December 2008