The expectant father

He still asks perturbing questions from time to time. "How long until he gets interesting?" was the most recent one.


"How do you mean?" I replied, putting down my book and reaching for my special tablets.


"How long before he can smile, crawl, talk to me about the Battle of Jutland, that sort of thing?"


"Ah. Respectively, six months, nine months and, if he takes after you, a year, or after me, never."


"What do we do for the first six months, then?"


"I look after him and you look after me."


"Right you are."


Everything will work out eventually, I'm sure. I'm sure.


- Lucy Mangan, Guardian, 30 April 2011