Similes and shoplifting

Two notable English football stories from 2007.  First, we hark back to the wonderful command of the English language of the former Chelsea coach:

 

Young players are a little bit like melons. Only when you open and taste the melon are you 100 per cent sure that the melon is good. Sometimes you have beautiful melons but they don't taste very good and some other melons are a bit ugly and when you open them, the taste is fantastic… For example, Scott Sinclair, the way he played against Arsenal and Man United, we know the melon we have.

 

Jose Mourinho, 9 June 2007 (source: Londonist)

 

 

And second, a reminder that even well-paid professional footballers succumb to the baser urges of mankind:

 

Glen Johnson and Ben May, the Portsmouth full-back and Millwall striker, [were] arrested by a 74-year-old security guard for stealing a toilet seat and taps from B&Q in Dartford.  Bless.

 

Sunday Times, 30 December 2007