04 June 2010

A pakeha myth, like speed limits and Dunedin

From an imaginary interview with Maori Party MP Hone Harawira:

DP: There’s been some confusion about the Maori Party’s flagship Whanau Ora initiative. Can you give a brief overview of the policy?

HH: At its core it’s very simple. Billions of years from now . . . [At this point a door opens in the building; due to noise from the nearby rehearsal Mr Harawira's voice is not audible - drowned out by 'Oh No You Won't', a charming duet between Helen Clark and Mr Harawira's Mother Titewhai. The gap lasts for nine minutes.]

HH: . . . W and Z bosons and the kaitiaki of the rangitira over all elementary particles we estimate Whanau Ora will allow New Zealand to overtake Australia in GDP by as soon as 2018.

DP: That’s just breathtaking.

HH: But the real key is communication. Without a clear understanding of the policy in the minds of the nuinga we are doomed to fail.

DP: And this policy has buy-in from the National Party cabinet and John Key?

HH: Actually there is no such thing as John Key. He’s a pakeha myth perpetuated by the racist media – like speed limits and Dunedin. But we have support from the Ministers with the relevent portfolios.

DP: I’d like to ask you about the extra funding received by Te Puni Kokiri in the budget. Extra funding for Maori tourism and export operators on top of continuity for existing programs such as Ngā Kaihanga Hou . . .

HH: All excellent programs that deliver great returns for all taxpayers . . .

DP: So what is your response to the recent leaked Cabinet report concluding that the only function Te Puni Kokiri serves is to make up fake Maori sounding words and try and trick gullible white people into using them?

HH: Simply not true and this is another area where National and the Maori Party have agreed to disagree and abide by the Maori principle of tirangawhai.

- As imagined by Danyl of the Dimpost

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