Posts
“Hello there..."
“I’m Emil Berglund, project leader for the World Championship in Guitar Throwing, which is taking place at the Balsta Festival in the Eskilstuna area this weekend.”
“What is the world record?”
“It stands at 23.4 metres. That may not seem far, but an electric guitar is really heavy.”
“But it isn’t just the distance that counts, is it?”
“No, the jury award marks for finesse and originality in the throwing technique as well.”
“Is there a difference between throwing an electric and an acoustic guitar?”
“Yes, an acoustic guitar has completely different aerodynamics. We have specialised in electric guitars at this competition, but I’m going to see whether we can have two classes next year.”
“Which is better for throwing – a Fender or a Hagstrom?”
“The world record is held by a Fender, and that make has been doing well this year. We’re handing out 25 Fenders to participants and hope that will suffice. But there are some throwers who are more professional, and they’re allowed to bring their own equipment.”
- Gothenburg Metro, 20 May 2005, quoted in Private Eye
28 August 2005
Very Friday website roundup #3
Uncyclopedia
A gazetteer of fabricated knowledge. Sample:
New Testament [From Uncyclopedia]
The New Testament was the long-awaited sequel to the Old Testament, which in those days was just called the Testament. In 2001, George Lucas wrote this tale of a young saviour, Anakin Christ, who travelled from planet to planet, fighting against evil for the redemption of all races. This sequel was received with mixed reviews. The primary complaint the critics had was with the character St. Jar Jar Iscariot. The work is divided into three books, much like its predecessor, titled "The Philistine Menace", "Attack of the Galatians", and "Revenge of the Psalms". Controversy still rages over the true documentary nature of the New Testament. No historical record of Anakin Christ has been found, and the character called Han Solo the Baptist is rumoured to have actually been a samurai whose story Lucas lifted verbatim (but translated) from the oeuvre of Japanese director Hello Kitty without acknowledgement.
www.uncyclopedia.org/uncyclopedia/index.php?title=Uncyclopedia
Thinking Machine 4
'Play chess against a transparent intelligence, its evolving thought process visible on the board before you. The artwork is an artificial intelligence program, ready to play chess with the viewer. If the viewer confronts the program, the computer's thought process is sketched on screen as it plays'
http://turbulence.org/spotlight/thinking/
[Okay, so it wouldn't run on my work PC, but I hope it'll run on yours, because it looks very cool]
Bad Book Covers
A splendidly ugly collection. Best title: 'Is your Volkswagen a sex symbol?'
http://punkrockpenguin.net/waste/amuse/badcovers/
Skeletal systems of 22 cartoon characters
Very cool, and not a little weird too. My, such big eye-sockets!
http://michaelpaulus.com/gallery/character-Skeletons
Regret The Error
Regret The Error reports on corrections, retractions,clarifications and trends regarding accuracy and honesty in the media.
www.regrettheerror.com
A gazetteer of fabricated knowledge. Sample:
New Testament [From Uncyclopedia]
The New Testament was the long-awaited sequel to the Old Testament, which in those days was just called the Testament. In 2001, George Lucas wrote this tale of a young saviour, Anakin Christ, who travelled from planet to planet, fighting against evil for the redemption of all races. This sequel was received with mixed reviews. The primary complaint the critics had was with the character St. Jar Jar Iscariot. The work is divided into three books, much like its predecessor, titled "The Philistine Menace", "Attack of the Galatians", and "Revenge of the Psalms". Controversy still rages over the true documentary nature of the New Testament. No historical record of Anakin Christ has been found, and the character called Han Solo the Baptist is rumoured to have actually been a samurai whose story Lucas lifted verbatim (but translated) from the oeuvre of Japanese director Hello Kitty without acknowledgement.
www.uncyclopedia.org/uncyclopedia/index.php?title=Uncyclopedia
Thinking Machine 4
'Play chess against a transparent intelligence, its evolving thought process visible on the board before you. The artwork is an artificial intelligence program, ready to play chess with the viewer. If the viewer confronts the program, the computer's thought process is sketched on screen as it plays'
http://turbulence.org/spotlight/thinking/
[Okay, so it wouldn't run on my work PC, but I hope it'll run on yours, because it looks very cool]
Bad Book Covers
A splendidly ugly collection. Best title: 'Is your Volkswagen a sex symbol?'
http://punkrockpenguin.net/waste/amuse/badcovers/
Skeletal systems of 22 cartoon characters
Very cool, and not a little weird too. My, such big eye-sockets!
http://michaelpaulus.com/gallery/character-Skeletons
Regret The Error
Regret The Error reports on corrections, retractions,clarifications and trends regarding accuracy and honesty in the media.
www.regrettheerror.com
27 August 2005
So you weren't very impressed with India, then?
"From the moment that Sourav Ganguly jumped like a scalded cat to the first delivery he bowled, [Shane] Bond must have known that he was in for some easy pickings. These days, the world's premier fast bowlers look at Ganguly and see one of those fairground attractions, a stationary prize to knock off with the fast straight bullet, and there was a macabre predictability to the hapless fend that cost him his wicket.
The others were scarcely blameless either. Virender Sehwag rarely ventures past 20 these days, and both he and Mohammad Kaif perished to ugly flails that showed scant awareness of the fact that India needed to score at only four-an-over. Yuvraj Singh, who manages an innings of substance about as frequently as the Olympic Games are staged, perished in patented style, nibbling at one while the feet didn't so much as twitch, and Ajit Agarkar then showcased his allround worthlessness with a shot that was a mirror image of that played by Yuvraj.
If Greg Chappell, who has to coach this rabble for another two seasons, had packed his bags then and there, you could scarcely have blamed him. On a deck that was clearly made for run-scoring, India were in danger of putting up a total that would have caused blushes in the Namibian dressing room"
- Dileep Premachandran is slightly unimpressed with the Indian team after the NZ v India one-dayer at Bulawayo, 26 August 2005.
[NZ beat India by 51 runs, with Shane Bond taking personal best figures of 9-3-19-6. The match scorecard is here]
The others were scarcely blameless either. Virender Sehwag rarely ventures past 20 these days, and both he and Mohammad Kaif perished to ugly flails that showed scant awareness of the fact that India needed to score at only four-an-over. Yuvraj Singh, who manages an innings of substance about as frequently as the Olympic Games are staged, perished in patented style, nibbling at one while the feet didn't so much as twitch, and Ajit Agarkar then showcased his allround worthlessness with a shot that was a mirror image of that played by Yuvraj.
If Greg Chappell, who has to coach this rabble for another two seasons, had packed his bags then and there, you could scarcely have blamed him. On a deck that was clearly made for run-scoring, India were in danger of putting up a total that would have caused blushes in the Namibian dressing room"
- Dileep Premachandran is slightly unimpressed with the Indian team after the NZ v India one-dayer at Bulawayo, 26 August 2005.
[NZ beat India by 51 runs, with Shane Bond taking personal best figures of 9-3-19-6. The match scorecard is here]
25 August 2005
Never fear, the Gnome Squad is here
11-day police operation nets cache of 40 gnomes
STUART NICOLSON
A MAJOR police operation lasting 11 days has netted a haul of 40 garden gnomes. The bearded figures, complete with their bright red hats, fishing rods and barrows, were found at a house in Alloa, Clackmannanshire, police said yesterday.
The discovery was made by a dedicated squad of officers from CID, tactical crime and drugs units at Central Scotland Police, who worked round the clock during the operation to catch what they believed was an organised criminal gang.
Officers also uncovered dozens of ornamental rabbits, birds, hedgehogs, plant pots and solar lights in the Aladdin's-style cave. Two women have been arrested and charged with theft.
The operation came after people in Stirling, Clackmannanshire and Falkirk complained of waking to find their bearded ornaments had apparently wandered off.
Yesterday police revealed that as well as retrieving the stash of stolen gnomes, the operation had led to them solving more than 146 crimes.
A spokeswoman for Central Scotland Police said: "This was a highly successful operation which saw detection rates across the force rise by 5 per cent.
"While the recovery of the gnomes was one notable achievement of the operation, many crimes were solved."
The Scotsman, 25 August 2005
[Courtesy of Louise's mate. 'Clackmannanshire' sounds like an explosion in a clockwork train factory to me]
STUART NICOLSON
A MAJOR police operation lasting 11 days has netted a haul of 40 garden gnomes. The bearded figures, complete with their bright red hats, fishing rods and barrows, were found at a house in Alloa, Clackmannanshire, police said yesterday.
The discovery was made by a dedicated squad of officers from CID, tactical crime and drugs units at Central Scotland Police, who worked round the clock during the operation to catch what they believed was an organised criminal gang.
Officers also uncovered dozens of ornamental rabbits, birds, hedgehogs, plant pots and solar lights in the Aladdin's-style cave. Two women have been arrested and charged with theft.
The operation came after people in Stirling, Clackmannanshire and Falkirk complained of waking to find their bearded ornaments had apparently wandered off.
Yesterday police revealed that as well as retrieving the stash of stolen gnomes, the operation had led to them solving more than 146 crimes.
A spokeswoman for Central Scotland Police said: "This was a highly successful operation which saw detection rates across the force rise by 5 per cent.
"While the recovery of the gnomes was one notable achievement of the operation, many crimes were solved."
The Scotsman, 25 August 2005
[Courtesy of Louise's mate. 'Clackmannanshire' sounds like an explosion in a clockwork train factory to me]
24 August 2005
Blogging: just political screeds and celebrity gossip
"I find that my own blogging is increasingly mechanical and formulaic. As an artist, my normal impulse is to write things that people don't care about and, ideally, can't even understand. Gibberish. But my freedom of expression is hampered by the blogging software that tracks every page view. In the old days, the age of print, a journalist had very little data on how many people read a particular story. Now I can track readership second by second, eyeball by eyeball.
It's obvious what people want: political screeds and celebrity gossip. A few weeks back, I blogged three paragraphs on Karl Rove. Someone at Google News linked to the blog, and a Rovestorm erupted, a festival of vituperation, with a commensurately outstanding number of page views. Now I pretty much have to write about Rove all the time. (Contrary to what you may have heard, my blog item "Karl Rove Linked to Hoffa Disappearance" was completely fair.)
The continual focus-grouping explains why most bloggers write as though their primary goal is to rise in the Google search results. The more you mention people like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, the more readers you will have, and the more links, and the more you will rise in Google's estimation. I have nothing really to say about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, and am not even remotely interested in Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, but I know that my blog will be read by more people if it mentions famous celebrities who might be secretly boinking, such as Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.
And let me just add, purely for the sake of Google: sex, alien abduction, Oprah, Tom Cruise, Lindsay Lohan, jumbo hooters the size of watermelons, Dick Cheney, Mark of the Beast, Armageddon, free money"
Joel Achenbach
[No, I'm not 100% sure what a 'screed' is either. You can read the full article here]
It's obvious what people want: political screeds and celebrity gossip. A few weeks back, I blogged three paragraphs on Karl Rove. Someone at Google News linked to the blog, and a Rovestorm erupted, a festival of vituperation, with a commensurately outstanding number of page views. Now I pretty much have to write about Rove all the time. (Contrary to what you may have heard, my blog item "Karl Rove Linked to Hoffa Disappearance" was completely fair.)
The continual focus-grouping explains why most bloggers write as though their primary goal is to rise in the Google search results. The more you mention people like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, the more readers you will have, and the more links, and the more you will rise in Google's estimation. I have nothing really to say about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, and am not even remotely interested in Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, but I know that my blog will be read by more people if it mentions famous celebrities who might be secretly boinking, such as Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.
And let me just add, purely for the sake of Google: sex, alien abduction, Oprah, Tom Cruise, Lindsay Lohan, jumbo hooters the size of watermelons, Dick Cheney, Mark of the Beast, Armageddon, free money"
Joel Achenbach
[No, I'm not 100% sure what a 'screed' is either. You can read the full article here]
Statements made in casual conversation that sound like country-song titles
Another installment in a long-running series...
167. Suckin’ On A Sprite With Another Guy’s Girl
168. I’ve Got My Wheelbarrow And A Runny Nose
169. We’ll See You Later If You Wanna Come; If Not, We’ll See Ya Later
170. I Know Where My Heart Is
171. Do You Bless A Yawn In German?
172. I Don’t Know Why Anybody Never Thought Of That
173. I Don’t Think There’s Anyone Who Isn’t Deaf And Blind Who’s Less Funny Than Everyone Who Is
174. I Was Looking For Deer And Found A Teepee
175. If You’re Gonna Be A Goat, You Better Have A Freakin’ Kid
176. I’m A Freakin’ Femme, And She’s A Stupid Guy
177. Oh Great, The Afghans Are Printing My Directory
178. Whatever I Was Gonna Say Was Something I Wanted To Say
179. Was Saturn Here Before You?
180. I’m Still Before I Was Married
From www.wemadeoutinatreeandthisoldguysatandwatchedus.com
167. Suckin’ On A Sprite With Another Guy’s Girl
168. I’ve Got My Wheelbarrow And A Runny Nose
169. We’ll See You Later If You Wanna Come; If Not, We’ll See Ya Later
170. I Know Where My Heart Is
171. Do You Bless A Yawn In German?
172. I Don’t Know Why Anybody Never Thought Of That
173. I Don’t Think There’s Anyone Who Isn’t Deaf And Blind Who’s Less Funny Than Everyone Who Is
174. I Was Looking For Deer And Found A Teepee
175. If You’re Gonna Be A Goat, You Better Have A Freakin’ Kid
176. I’m A Freakin’ Femme, And She’s A Stupid Guy
177. Oh Great, The Afghans Are Printing My Directory
178. Whatever I Was Gonna Say Was Something I Wanted To Say
179. Was Saturn Here Before You?
180. I’m Still Before I Was Married
From www.wemadeoutinatreeandthisoldguysatandwatchedus.com
'Next thing them furriners'll want to marry our womenfolk too'
Loos seats of learning for some students
Foreign students used to squat toilets are being told at Waikato University to sit down on the job. Perspex-covered signs bolted to some toilet doors instruct students to sit on toilet seats, not squat. Waikato University pro vice-chancellor for public affairs Shirley Leitch said the signs went up after cleaners found footprints on toilet seats and several broken seats.
Students say initial paper signs were torn down by people who found them offensive.
Chinese students are crying foul over the signs, saying they do not stand on the seats.
"It's discrimination," said tourism student Eleanor Jia. "We know how to use a toilet – but it's kinda funny they think we're stupid."
The signs appeared in May, and are in the library and management lecture and computer lab blocks.
Finance and international student Yan Sun, 21, said she had seen footprints on seats and the toilets were dirty, but the signs made her mad.
Professor Leitch said squat toilets would be considered if students or staff asked for them.
Waikato Times, 24 August 2005
[There's a picture of the signs here. Looks like someone preparing to do a gymnastic manouever]
Foreign students used to squat toilets are being told at Waikato University to sit down on the job. Perspex-covered signs bolted to some toilet doors instruct students to sit on toilet seats, not squat. Waikato University pro vice-chancellor for public affairs Shirley Leitch said the signs went up after cleaners found footprints on toilet seats and several broken seats.
Students say initial paper signs were torn down by people who found them offensive.
Chinese students are crying foul over the signs, saying they do not stand on the seats.
"It's discrimination," said tourism student Eleanor Jia. "We know how to use a toilet – but it's kinda funny they think we're stupid."
The signs appeared in May, and are in the library and management lecture and computer lab blocks.
Finance and international student Yan Sun, 21, said she had seen footprints on seats and the toilets were dirty, but the signs made her mad.
Professor Leitch said squat toilets would be considered if students or staff asked for them.
Waikato Times, 24 August 2005
[There's a picture of the signs here. Looks like someone preparing to do a gymnastic manouever]
23 August 2005
The pivotal positioning of wardrobes as a fulcrum for clothing movement
'This paper develops a reading of the wardrobe which emphasises the wardrobe’s location within the consumption practices of tidying, sorting and the displacement of clothing. Its emphasis is on the circulation of clothing matter and the transience of clothing consumption, not – as recent accounts have stressed – the accumulation, collection and wearing of clothing. Using primarily the example of maternity wear, the paper outlines how clothing circulates amongst and between women (between siblings, between friends and amongst neighbours and acquaintances) and accounts for this practice. It argues that maternity wear circulation is both an embodied divestment/recovery ritual and about the making of mothers, through its appeal to thrift, sacrifice and making-do. The paper concludes by reflecting on the significance of the absence of maternity wear from women’s wardrobes and by suggesting that wardrobes need to be thought of not just as containers of memory, but as temporary holding places in the lives of clothes, and as pivotally positioned as a fulcrum for clothing movement, between wearing, storage and displacement'
- Abstract of ‘Wardrobe matter: the sorting, displacement and circulation of women’s clothing’, a paper by Nicky Gregson and Vikki Beale, Geography Department, University of Sheffield, Elsevier Geoforum websitw (quoted in Private Eye)
- Abstract of ‘Wardrobe matter: the sorting, displacement and circulation of women’s clothing’, a paper by Nicky Gregson and Vikki Beale, Geography Department, University of Sheffield, Elsevier Geoforum websitw (quoted in Private Eye)
22 August 2005
Evangelical scientists refute gravity with new 'Intelligent Falling' theory
KANSAS CITY, KS—As the debate over the teaching of evolution in public schools continues, a new controversy over the science curriculum arose Monday in this embattled Midwestern state. Scientists from the Evangelical Center For Faith-Based Reasoning are now asserting that the long-held "theory of gravity" is flawed, and they have responded to it with a new theory of Intelligent Falling.
"Things fall not because they are acted upon by some gravitational force, but because a higher intelligence, 'God' if you will, is pushing them down," said Gabriel Burdett, who holds degrees in education, applied Scripture, and physics from Oral Roberts University.
Burdett added: "Gravity—which is taught to our children as a law—is founded on great gaps in understanding. The laws predict the mutual force between all bodies of mass, but they cannot explain that force. Isaac Newton himself said, 'I suspect that my theories may all depend upon a force for which philosophers have searched all of nature in vain.' Of course, he is alluding to a higher power."
Some evangelical physicists propose that Intelligent Falling provides an elegant solution to the central problem of modern physics.
"Anti-falling physicists have been theorizing for decades about the 'electromagnetic force,' the 'weak nuclear force,' the 'strong nuclear force,' and so-called 'force of gravity,'" Burdett said." And they tilt their findings toward trying to unite them into one force. But readers of the Bible have already known for millennia what this one, unified force is: His name is Jesus."
The Onion
"Things fall not because they are acted upon by some gravitational force, but because a higher intelligence, 'God' if you will, is pushing them down," said Gabriel Burdett, who holds degrees in education, applied Scripture, and physics from Oral Roberts University.
Burdett added: "Gravity—which is taught to our children as a law—is founded on great gaps in understanding. The laws predict the mutual force between all bodies of mass, but they cannot explain that force. Isaac Newton himself said, 'I suspect that my theories may all depend upon a force for which philosophers have searched all of nature in vain.' Of course, he is alluding to a higher power."
Some evangelical physicists propose that Intelligent Falling provides an elegant solution to the central problem of modern physics.
"Anti-falling physicists have been theorizing for decades about the 'electromagnetic force,' the 'weak nuclear force,' the 'strong nuclear force,' and so-called 'force of gravity,'" Burdett said." And they tilt their findings toward trying to unite them into one force. But readers of the Bible have already known for millennia what this one, unified force is: His name is Jesus."
The Onion
18 August 2005
'To the point, and it sounds strong'
P. Diddy Shortens Name to Diddy
Rap mogul Sean 'P. Diddy' Combs has unveiled his new stage moniker - he wants to be called just Diddy. Combs - who changed his name from Puff Daddy and Puffy before adopting the name P. Diddy in 2001 - announced his moniker change in New York City yesterday.
He tells MTV News, "It's five letters, one word. The name is changed. We made it simpler. We removed the P. The P was getting in between us. We're entering the age of Diddy. A lot of my peeps in music been calling me Diddy, so it's not a drastic change for them. But people around the world didn't know what to call me. We was at (Madison Square Garden) rocking with Jay-Z. The last time I was there, half the crowd was chanting 'P Diddy', half the crowd chanting 'Diddy'. We gonna stop the confusion. 'Diddy. Diddy, Diddy!' Simple. To the point and it sounds strong. It sounds like something is about to happen. It sounds like something is about to go down in history."
Combs plans a special "unveiling of Diddy" ceremony when he hosts the MTV Video Music Awards in Miami on August 28. He adds, "You gonna see that in the entrance. You gonna see that swagger. You gonna see how I'm gonna navigate you through the journey."
- Imdb.com News, 17 August 2005
[Courtesy of Louwrens. Note also that 'diddy' or 'diddey' is listed in the 1811 Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue as being 'A woman's breasts or bubbies'. Nice to know our rapper friend is a learned scholar of the criminal dialects of Georgian England. Here's hoping he doesn't unveil any 'diddies' at the MTV Awards - I mean, look what happened to Janet Jackson...]
Rap mogul Sean 'P. Diddy' Combs has unveiled his new stage moniker - he wants to be called just Diddy. Combs - who changed his name from Puff Daddy and Puffy before adopting the name P. Diddy in 2001 - announced his moniker change in New York City yesterday.
He tells MTV News, "It's five letters, one word. The name is changed. We made it simpler. We removed the P. The P was getting in between us. We're entering the age of Diddy. A lot of my peeps in music been calling me Diddy, so it's not a drastic change for them. But people around the world didn't know what to call me. We was at (Madison Square Garden) rocking with Jay-Z. The last time I was there, half the crowd was chanting 'P Diddy', half the crowd chanting 'Diddy'. We gonna stop the confusion. 'Diddy. Diddy, Diddy!' Simple. To the point and it sounds strong. It sounds like something is about to happen. It sounds like something is about to go down in history."
Combs plans a special "unveiling of Diddy" ceremony when he hosts the MTV Video Music Awards in Miami on August 28. He adds, "You gonna see that in the entrance. You gonna see that swagger. You gonna see how I'm gonna navigate you through the journey."
- Imdb.com News, 17 August 2005
[Courtesy of Louwrens. Note also that 'diddy' or 'diddey' is listed in the 1811 Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue as being 'A woman's breasts or bubbies'. Nice to know our rapper friend is a learned scholar of the criminal dialects of Georgian England. Here's hoping he doesn't unveil any 'diddies' at the MTV Awards - I mean, look what happened to Janet Jackson...]
16 August 2005
What did Mother Teresa ever do for East Coast Bays?
"Some may say what can one person achieve? To them I say this -- did Mother Teresa make a difference? Did Sir Peter Blake make a difference? While I do not put myself in that league I aspire to their dedication and their example.
They too started with a dream, facing incredible odds. Like them, I have a vision. A vision where every man, woman and child, in my electorate, East Coast Bays will have a voice."
- Paul Adams MP announces that he will withdraw from the United Future list and stand as an independent in East Coast Bays.
[Alternative title: "How one man [deluded himself into believeing that he] made a difference". If you've forgotten him, Paul Adams was the one that used to be a rally-driver, has a former beauty queen daughter, and went on a hunger strike against the Civil Union Bill. Truly a powerful legacy, there. And I'm sure his decision had nothing to do with being placed at #10 on the UFNZ list]
They too started with a dream, facing incredible odds. Like them, I have a vision. A vision where every man, woman and child, in my electorate, East Coast Bays will have a voice."
- Paul Adams MP announces that he will withdraw from the United Future list and stand as an independent in East Coast Bays.
[Alternative title: "How one man [deluded himself into believeing that he] made a difference". If you've forgotten him, Paul Adams was the one that used to be a rally-driver, has a former beauty queen daughter, and went on a hunger strike against the Civil Union Bill. Truly a powerful legacy, there. And I'm sure his decision had nothing to do with being placed at #10 on the UFNZ list]
I'm sure she's just happy being the member for Mt Albert
'Her surroundings of subordinates ... probably leaves her with unfulfilled desires for a situation where roles are reversed and she can become the double-double agent of gender deconstructions'.
- Excerpt from 'On the Conditions and Possibilities of Helen Clark Taking Me as Her Young Lover' by Richard Meros (quoted in Guardian Weekly, 1-7 July 2005).
[The author is quoted as saying "I don't want my grandma to know I wrote it"]
- Excerpt from 'On the Conditions and Possibilities of Helen Clark Taking Me as Her Young Lover' by Richard Meros (quoted in Guardian Weekly, 1-7 July 2005).
[The author is quoted as saying "I don't want my grandma to know I wrote it"]
15 August 2005
Recidivism 101
"The fear is that if a suicide bomber can strike once, he or she can strike again"
- Mark Simpson, RTE (Eire) News At One, 13 July 2005, quoted in Private Eye.
- Mark Simpson, RTE (Eire) News At One, 13 July 2005, quoted in Private Eye.
11 August 2005
Metal Attack!
What exceedingly stylish metallers these are. Ah, the halcyon days of early-90s spandex excess... Um, splendid trousers, man in front.
http://filer.me03.se/madamx.jpg
http://filer.me03.se/madamx.jpg
10 August 2005
White boots are so passe anyway, Ali
Comical Ali linked to hit-and-run
By Greg Growden Thursday, August 11, 2005
You get used to strange sights in New Zealand, but not All Blacks monsters galloping full speed down the fairways of local golf courses, belting balls on the run, tapping putts at top speed, then bolting towards the next tee.
Then again, Ali Williams is not your average All Blacks second-rower. It was only natural a man known as Comical Ali because of his maniacal streak, fun-loving attitude and vibrant sense of humour would opt for a different form of training this season when outed for six weeks for rucking Kiwi great Richie McCaw.
The ban was a result of a merry tap-dance near the head of McCaw during the Auckland-Crusaders Super 12 match, with Comical Ali explaining: "Don't wear white boots, don't ruck, and don't ever go near Richie because New Zealand loves him."
New Zealand doesn't mind Comical Ali, either, especially as he is such a colourful addition to a generally drab All Blacks landscape. That's why his fellow countrymen weren't too surprised when they heard he had taken up speed golf as a way to keep trim. Speed golf is exactly as it says. You scamper around an 18-hole course as quickly as possible. Comical Ali was soon a master, boasting a best time of around 45 minutes on one of Auckland's better city courses, Akarana.
"You have three clubs, including a putter, to keep the greenkeeper happy. You basically sprint from ball to ball," Williams said yesterday.
"Club selection is where the risk comes into it. You can either choose a three or four iron, or a driver. I go for a driver. I back myself. If you're two-over for the hole, you're going all right. I basically did it for the running because the old lungs do get a workout."
- Sydney Morning Herald, 11 August 2005
By Greg Growden Thursday, August 11, 2005
You get used to strange sights in New Zealand, but not All Blacks monsters galloping full speed down the fairways of local golf courses, belting balls on the run, tapping putts at top speed, then bolting towards the next tee.
Then again, Ali Williams is not your average All Blacks second-rower. It was only natural a man known as Comical Ali because of his maniacal streak, fun-loving attitude and vibrant sense of humour would opt for a different form of training this season when outed for six weeks for rucking Kiwi great Richie McCaw.
The ban was a result of a merry tap-dance near the head of McCaw during the Auckland-Crusaders Super 12 match, with Comical Ali explaining: "Don't wear white boots, don't ruck, and don't ever go near Richie because New Zealand loves him."
New Zealand doesn't mind Comical Ali, either, especially as he is such a colourful addition to a generally drab All Blacks landscape. That's why his fellow countrymen weren't too surprised when they heard he had taken up speed golf as a way to keep trim. Speed golf is exactly as it says. You scamper around an 18-hole course as quickly as possible. Comical Ali was soon a master, boasting a best time of around 45 minutes on one of Auckland's better city courses, Akarana.
"You have three clubs, including a putter, to keep the greenkeeper happy. You basically sprint from ball to ball," Williams said yesterday.
"Club selection is where the risk comes into it. You can either choose a three or four iron, or a driver. I go for a driver. I back myself. If you're two-over for the hole, you're going all right. I basically did it for the running because the old lungs do get a workout."
- Sydney Morning Herald, 11 August 2005
Head over heels for Brighton rock: a very English protest
Like a rolling stone
By Mark Oliver / Arts and culture 04:31pm
Mark McGowan today started his latest "work" when he set out to cartwheel the 57 miles from Brighton to London in protest at people stealing stones from beaches.
McGowan, who was forced last month by Thames Water to stop his art work the Running Tap, began at Brighton’s west pier at around 10am, with 12lb rocks fastened to his feet and 18 sticks of pink Brighton rock strapped across his face.
He told Guardian Unlimited this afternoon that he had stopped after two miles because of “exhaustion” and admitted his forecast of completing the journey in two weeks may have been a little optimistic.“My arms are really hurting,” the 37-year-old said. “And I’m actually not that good at cartwheeling.”
There was also an early cartwheeling mishap when he collided with a deckchair and gashed open his right shin. “I’ve got all this pink rock strapped across my face and I am supposed to have an assistant who is spotting obstacles," he complained.
Tonight, after marking his finish spot with chalk, he was returning to his home in south London for a good night’s sleep before heading back in the morning.
He admitted he attracted some funny looks, but that is something he is no stranger to. Many of his stunts are oulined on Artshole.co.uk.
In September 2003 he used his nose to roll a monkey nut for 11 days from Goldsmiths College in south London to Downing Street to protest at his student debt.
Last month, at a gallery in Camberwell, he set up the Running Tap, a work which lived up to its title. He ran a tap at the gallery for a month, wasting 800,000 litres of water before threats of legal action by Thames Water convinced him to turn it off. He claimed he had saved more water than this by making the point that everyone wastes water.
- Guardian Newsblog, 10 August 2005
[Courtesy of Louise. Maybe next time he'll avoid tying heavy rocks to his feet. The facial confectionary could stay, though]
By Mark Oliver / Arts and culture 04:31pm
Mark McGowan today started his latest "work" when he set out to cartwheel the 57 miles from Brighton to London in protest at people stealing stones from beaches.
McGowan, who was forced last month by Thames Water to stop his art work the Running Tap, began at Brighton’s west pier at around 10am, with 12lb rocks fastened to his feet and 18 sticks of pink Brighton rock strapped across his face.
He told Guardian Unlimited this afternoon that he had stopped after two miles because of “exhaustion” and admitted his forecast of completing the journey in two weeks may have been a little optimistic.“My arms are really hurting,” the 37-year-old said. “And I’m actually not that good at cartwheeling.”
There was also an early cartwheeling mishap when he collided with a deckchair and gashed open his right shin. “I’ve got all this pink rock strapped across my face and I am supposed to have an assistant who is spotting obstacles," he complained.
Tonight, after marking his finish spot with chalk, he was returning to his home in south London for a good night’s sleep before heading back in the morning.
He admitted he attracted some funny looks, but that is something he is no stranger to. Many of his stunts are oulined on Artshole.co.uk.
In September 2003 he used his nose to roll a monkey nut for 11 days from Goldsmiths College in south London to Downing Street to protest at his student debt.
Last month, at a gallery in Camberwell, he set up the Running Tap, a work which lived up to its title. He ran a tap at the gallery for a month, wasting 800,000 litres of water before threats of legal action by Thames Water convinced him to turn it off. He claimed he had saved more water than this by making the point that everyone wastes water.
- Guardian Newsblog, 10 August 2005
[Courtesy of Louise. Maybe next time he'll avoid tying heavy rocks to his feet. The facial confectionary could stay, though]
How to make the terrorists quake in their boots
“I believe in London. I know there has been a tremendous cost for supporting my country’s war on terror, which is now truly a world war on terror, and I appreciate it. Regardless of what you feel about it, it’s going on and I really appreciate the support. In my own tiny way I’m paying that back.”
- Rob Lowe on his West End appearance in A Few Good Men.
“How can music respond to something as devastating as the London bombings? It is a question that has been weighing on my mind. Somehow, without quite intending it, I have stumbled towards a response of my own… I bashed it out in rough form on an acoustic guitar to my friend Bono one night and he became very animated. ‘This is a song that needs be heard now,’ he insisted.”
– Daily Telegraph rock critic Neil McCormick on how he came to write and record the song “People I Don’t Know Are Trying to Kill Me”.
“What a month it’s been! On 2 July we enjoyed Live 8 in Hyde Park… Then on the 6th the International Olympic Committee announced that London would host the 2012 Olympic games… Tragedy struck on the 7th with the horrific bombing of innocent people in London… And then on the 8th, incredibly the G8 world leaders actually agreed to do something about the debt in Africa with a $50 billion aid package. And we’re not even halfway through the month yet! Why not try for some of our great prizes this month, you could be remembering July 2005 as the time you won a MyOffers prize.”
– Email circular from Tiscali.
[How wonderfully crass!]
- Rob Lowe on his West End appearance in A Few Good Men.
“How can music respond to something as devastating as the London bombings? It is a question that has been weighing on my mind. Somehow, without quite intending it, I have stumbled towards a response of my own… I bashed it out in rough form on an acoustic guitar to my friend Bono one night and he became very animated. ‘This is a song that needs be heard now,’ he insisted.”
– Daily Telegraph rock critic Neil McCormick on how he came to write and record the song “People I Don’t Know Are Trying to Kill Me”.
“What a month it’s been! On 2 July we enjoyed Live 8 in Hyde Park… Then on the 6th the International Olympic Committee announced that London would host the 2012 Olympic games… Tragedy struck on the 7th with the horrific bombing of innocent people in London… And then on the 8th, incredibly the G8 world leaders actually agreed to do something about the debt in Africa with a $50 billion aid package. And we’re not even halfway through the month yet! Why not try for some of our great prizes this month, you could be remembering July 2005 as the time you won a MyOffers prize.”
– Email circular from Tiscali.
[How wonderfully crass!]
Now that's lateral thinking for you
Phil Wood: Which famous classical composer went deaf?
Contestant: Errr...
Female co-presenter: Think of a big dog.
Contestant: Bach.
- Greater Manchester Radio
Contestant: Errr...
Female co-presenter: Think of a big dog.
Contestant: Bach.
- Greater Manchester Radio
09 August 2005
A proactive solution to lengthy call centre queues
Caller goes on the offensive
When a taxi driver, Ashley Gibbins, called the helpline of NTL hoping to have broadband installed, he was told that all its operators were busy, but if he cared to hold the line his call would be dealth with as soon as possible. So Mr Gibbons held. And held. After an hour, he put the phone down and decided to wreak his revenge.
By chance he discovered that he could alter NTL's recorded message. After he had tinkered with it, people seeking help were met with something altogether more blunt:
'Hello, you are through to NTL customer services,' they were told. 'We don't give a f--- about you, basically, and we are not going to handle any of your complaints. Just f--- off and leave us alone. Get a life'
NTL called in the police. Magistrates on Teesside, however, may have had similar experiences with corporate helplines themselves. Mr Gibbins, 26, from Redcar, Cleveland, was acquitted at Teesside magistrates' court last week of an offence under the Communications Act 2003 of making a grossly offensive message.
[When called for comment] NTL's media centre put the Guardian on hold, suggested we try another number and then declined to comment.
- Guardian Weekly, 17-23 June 2005
When a taxi driver, Ashley Gibbins, called the helpline of NTL hoping to have broadband installed, he was told that all its operators were busy, but if he cared to hold the line his call would be dealth with as soon as possible. So Mr Gibbons held. And held. After an hour, he put the phone down and decided to wreak his revenge.
By chance he discovered that he could alter NTL's recorded message. After he had tinkered with it, people seeking help were met with something altogether more blunt:
'Hello, you are through to NTL customer services,' they were told. 'We don't give a f--- about you, basically, and we are not going to handle any of your complaints. Just f--- off and leave us alone. Get a life'
NTL called in the police. Magistrates on Teesside, however, may have had similar experiences with corporate helplines themselves. Mr Gibbins, 26, from Redcar, Cleveland, was acquitted at Teesside magistrates' court last week of an offence under the Communications Act 2003 of making a grossly offensive message.
[When called for comment] NTL's media centre put the Guardian on hold, suggested we try another number and then declined to comment.
- Guardian Weekly, 17-23 June 2005
07 August 2005
Maybe he just liked licking knees
Coach reprimanded for licking students' wounds
A high school football coach in Portland, Oregon, has been reprimanded for licking the bleeding wounds of student athletes.
The Oregon Teacher Standards and Practices Commission placed Scott Reed, 34, on two years' probation and ordered the coach, also a science teacher, to attend a class on the risks of blood-borne pathogens.
Last year, Reed gave students at Central Linn High School near Eugene, Oregon, a pep talk about a coach who had licked and healed players' wounds so that they could rejoin the game. After the talk, he bent down and licked a cut on a track athlete's knee.
New Zealand Herald, 8 August 2005
A high school football coach in Portland, Oregon, has been reprimanded for licking the bleeding wounds of student athletes.
The Oregon Teacher Standards and Practices Commission placed Scott Reed, 34, on two years' probation and ordered the coach, also a science teacher, to attend a class on the risks of blood-borne pathogens.
Last year, Reed gave students at Central Linn High School near Eugene, Oregon, a pep talk about a coach who had licked and healed players' wounds so that they could rejoin the game. After the talk, he bent down and licked a cut on a track athlete's knee.
New Zealand Herald, 8 August 2005
03 August 2005
Pigeons set poor example for youth of Whangarei
Drunk Pigeons In Whangarei
NewsRoom.co.nz Agency Story at 4:02 PM, 03 Aug 2005
Whangarei's Native Bird Recovery centre is appealing to householders to act quickly if they spot a drunk native pigeon staggering about their lawn.
Robert Webb, the centre's manager, says dozens of kereru have been brought in dazed and confused after plundering guava trees and other fruit in local gardens.
He says the birds have been having a hard time in the forest this winter because their usual food trees like taraire have had a poor fruiting season.
Mr Webb says the birds are getting so drunk they fall out of the trees and are easy prey for cats and dogs.
NewsRoom.co.nz Agency Story at 4:02 PM, 03 Aug 2005
Whangarei's Native Bird Recovery centre is appealing to householders to act quickly if they spot a drunk native pigeon staggering about their lawn.
Robert Webb, the centre's manager, says dozens of kereru have been brought in dazed and confused after plundering guava trees and other fruit in local gardens.
He says the birds have been having a hard time in the forest this winter because their usual food trees like taraire have had a poor fruiting season.
Mr Webb says the birds are getting so drunk they fall out of the trees and are easy prey for cats and dogs.
Very Friday website roundup #2
Cursor thief
Potentially highly-addictive game alert... keep your cursor away from the nasty leaping dude, who will stop at nothing to steal it from you. The longer you manage it, the higher your score.
www.onemorelevel.com/games/avoider.html
The Adventures of Sneaky Mage and Stupid Sword
(n.b. Not their real names). Gamers will recognise a few themes running through these cartoon adventure exploits. If the threat "your GP or your HP!" means anything to you, this will be your cup of tea.
www.nuklearpower.com/daily.php?date=010302
[Courtesy of Vincent. Hit 'next' at the bottom of the page to flick through the story]
Table-top Cricket
This cricket game is really well-made, and looks like a barrel of fun. But can anyone more clued-up let me know how to bat properly? Like, 'cos I'm slack at it. Oh, and it's from a gambling website. Don't gamble, kids. It gives you cancer.
www.spreadfair.com/sport/spread/betting/cricket/index.html
Rosey Grier's Needlepoint for Men
Rosey Grier's Needlepoint for Men came out in 1973. At 6'5" and 300 pounds, he didn't care if you thought he was a sissy or not. Word.
www.flickr.com/photos/69799427@N00/sets/491625/
[Courtesy of Louwrens]
Potentially highly-addictive game alert... keep your cursor away from the nasty leaping dude, who will stop at nothing to steal it from you. The longer you manage it, the higher your score.
www.onemorelevel.com/games/avoider.html
The Adventures of Sneaky Mage and Stupid Sword
(n.b. Not their real names). Gamers will recognise a few themes running through these cartoon adventure exploits. If the threat "your GP or your HP!" means anything to you, this will be your cup of tea.
www.nuklearpower.com/daily.php?date=010302
[Courtesy of Vincent. Hit 'next' at the bottom of the page to flick through the story]
Table-top Cricket
This cricket game is really well-made, and looks like a barrel of fun. But can anyone more clued-up let me know how to bat properly? Like, 'cos I'm slack at it. Oh, and it's from a gambling website. Don't gamble, kids. It gives you cancer.
www.spreadfair.com/sport/spread/betting/cricket/index.html
Rosey Grier's Needlepoint for Men
Rosey Grier's Needlepoint for Men came out in 1973. At 6'5" and 300 pounds, he didn't care if you thought he was a sissy or not. Word.
www.flickr.com/photos/69799427@N00/sets/491625/
[Courtesy of Louwrens]
News: Pressure to look young rises in direct correlation to age of pundits quoted
Women under pressure to look pretty
By HAYMAN KAMALA
Eight out of 10 New Zealand women feel under pressure to look younger, and a growing number would consider cosmetic surgery, according to asurvey released yesterday. The 2005 Olay national skin care survey found 21 per cent of women aged 20 to 80 would consider surgery to turn the clock back – a rise of 1% on the 2004 survey. Of the 1413 women questioned, 36% would consider collagen injections, 40% chemical peels, 62% micro-dermabrasion, and 63% laser skin resurfacing – all were significant leaps on 2004. The results follow earlier evidence from the New Zealand Foundation for Cosmetic Plastic Surgery that members have reported a leap in demand for their services of between 30 and 50 per cent in the last two years.
Environment Canterbury councillor and editor of the Fashion NZ website, Nicky Wagner, 52, said women had always tried to improve their looks with make-up and clothing. But with information about cosmetic surgery now readily available, more realised it was an option.
"Every time you look at Fashion Quarterly or Vogue they are talking about cosmetic surgery. That wasn't happening five years ago." Surgery was becoming mainstream, Wagner said.
Columnist "of a mysterious age" Rosemary McLeod said women were under more pressure to be youthful than ever before."We see ourselves increasingly as having a role to consume and to be buying all the things that are to do with the idea of eternal youth and being eternally active."
While some were citing wrinkly rocker Keith Richards as a style guru, McLeod said women would "search in vain" for a similarly ageing role model. Asked if she would consider cosmetic surgery, McLeod said: "No, Iwouldn't know where to stop."
Only last week it was revealed that British prime minister Tony Blair spent nearly twice as much on make-up as the average British woman, at $NZ4600 over the past six years. Invercargill mayor Tim Shadbolt, 58, reckoned men were struggling to accept ageing with grace.
"There's been quite a crossover. A lot of men are getting botox."
While Shadbolt preferred to "get old with dignity" he did not rule out cosmetic surgery "if my film star career takes off"
The Press (Christchurch), 2 August 2005
[Chemical peels? Sounds like something Saddam Hussein might use]
By HAYMAN KAMALA
Eight out of 10 New Zealand women feel under pressure to look younger, and a growing number would consider cosmetic surgery, according to asurvey released yesterday. The 2005 Olay national skin care survey found 21 per cent of women aged 20 to 80 would consider surgery to turn the clock back – a rise of 1% on the 2004 survey. Of the 1413 women questioned, 36% would consider collagen injections, 40% chemical peels, 62% micro-dermabrasion, and 63% laser skin resurfacing – all were significant leaps on 2004. The results follow earlier evidence from the New Zealand Foundation for Cosmetic Plastic Surgery that members have reported a leap in demand for their services of between 30 and 50 per cent in the last two years.
Environment Canterbury councillor and editor of the Fashion NZ website, Nicky Wagner, 52, said women had always tried to improve their looks with make-up and clothing. But with information about cosmetic surgery now readily available, more realised it was an option.
"Every time you look at Fashion Quarterly or Vogue they are talking about cosmetic surgery. That wasn't happening five years ago." Surgery was becoming mainstream, Wagner said.
Columnist "of a mysterious age" Rosemary McLeod said women were under more pressure to be youthful than ever before."We see ourselves increasingly as having a role to consume and to be buying all the things that are to do with the idea of eternal youth and being eternally active."
While some were citing wrinkly rocker Keith Richards as a style guru, McLeod said women would "search in vain" for a similarly ageing role model. Asked if she would consider cosmetic surgery, McLeod said: "No, Iwouldn't know where to stop."
Only last week it was revealed that British prime minister Tony Blair spent nearly twice as much on make-up as the average British woman, at $NZ4600 over the past six years. Invercargill mayor Tim Shadbolt, 58, reckoned men were struggling to accept ageing with grace.
"There's been quite a crossover. A lot of men are getting botox."
While Shadbolt preferred to "get old with dignity" he did not rule out cosmetic surgery "if my film star career takes off"
The Press (Christchurch), 2 August 2005
[Chemical peels? Sounds like something Saddam Hussein might use]
Promiscuous moviestar blames Hollywood, scientific tendencies for promiscuity
Wilson Blames Hollywood for Bachelordom
Eligible bachelor Owen Wilson has no intention of settling down in the near future because he is having too much fun "experimenting" with women. The Wedding Crashers star, 36, admits he is similar to his womanizing character John Beckwith - but he blames Hollywood for his promiscuous behavior. He tells Maxim magazine, "I thought that I'd be married by the time I was 30 and be starting a family, but it just hasn't worked out that way. I think that there's something about being in Hollywood. I don't know if I'm shallow, but you want to make sure that you make the right choice because you know that it's forever and I didn't realise that I have such a strong scientific side that demands that I experiment with and compare women."
Imdb.com, 28 July
[So Wilson's 'bachelordom' has nothing to do with him being a good-looking, wealthy and famous movie-star who likes to sleep with as many women as possible, then? Article courtesy of Louwrens]
Eligible bachelor Owen Wilson has no intention of settling down in the near future because he is having too much fun "experimenting" with women. The Wedding Crashers star, 36, admits he is similar to his womanizing character John Beckwith - but he blames Hollywood for his promiscuous behavior. He tells Maxim magazine, "I thought that I'd be married by the time I was 30 and be starting a family, but it just hasn't worked out that way. I think that there's something about being in Hollywood. I don't know if I'm shallow, but you want to make sure that you make the right choice because you know that it's forever and I didn't realise that I have such a strong scientific side that demands that I experiment with and compare women."
Imdb.com, 28 July
[So Wilson's 'bachelordom' has nothing to do with him being a good-looking, wealthy and famous movie-star who likes to sleep with as many women as possible, then? Article courtesy of Louwrens]
Displaying a typically Australian gift for metaphor
'On the one hand, Australians express a very deep commitment to international law, to the United Nations, and to the international environment - views often attributed to a latte-loving elite. But, on the other hand, they have no trouble at all endorsing the use of Australian military forces under a wide range of different scenarios and they feel pretty damn good about the country. If you want to use the drinking metaphor beloved of some commentators, it turns out they are quite happy sipping chardonnay and then skolling down a VB chaser'
-Allan Gyngell, Lowy Institute for International Policy, on Australian public opinion and foreign policy, 28 March 2005
-Allan Gyngell, Lowy Institute for International Policy, on Australian public opinion and foreign policy, 28 March 2005
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